lost in translation

surrealkitty
Originally uploaded by neonangel.

been reading a book about understanding conversations between mothers and daughters and why they are always so fraught with tension and misunderstanding.

The title of the book says it all - "Are You Wearing That?!" heh. Was immediately amused because my mother has said that to me a few times before and that naturally led to a crossfire exchange. I remember I hated wearing skirts and dresses before university and my mother would always give me despairing looks if I walked out of the house in yet another pair of pants.

There was once in JC when I was rushing out to catch a play and just at the door, my mother yells, "GO WEAR A SKIRT!" My 17 year old smart mouth answers back, "FOR WHAT?! I AM LATE!" Then, she delivers the clincher," You want people to think you are LESBIAN is it?!" Of course, that did not go down too well with my 17 year old ego. :) Argument naturally ensues and to save time, I grouchily leave house with dress on and think nasty thoughts of Mother Nazi being 1) evil and always looking down on me 2) anti-homosexual.

At 29, I quarrel a lot less with my mother. It comes with growing up and understanding how human everybody is. I think that's the first marker of being grown-up - realising your parents are not superhuman and perfect, and learning to be more gracious towards them.

I think like the author of the book, I start to see that the stuff that comes out of a person's mouth may be a poor reflection of the stuff that WANTS to come out of a person's mouth.

In other words, there is the Message and then, there is the Meta-Message. Apparently, this is key to understanding women-to-women conversation: one must listen hard to the Message and even harder for the Meta Message.

"Are you coming home to eat?!" , "You think this house is a hotel?!", "You think you grow big now got wings to fly is it?!" and assorted nuggets of typical furious chinese mother-daughter exchanges can be translated as a sadder "I miss you. I am scared you don't like me or care for me anymore. Why are you so cold to me?"

Learning to concentrate on the Meta Message - the unspoken volumes of thought that get lost in translation - really helps cover a multitude of harsh exchanges.

If anything, it has stopped me from reverting to my 17 year old self that sees my mother as the Moral Police, the Weight/Dressing Nazi, Incessant Nag. :) It has helped me concentrate on seeing her as a human being hoping to communicate to another human being - one that she helped bring to life by a strange twist of fate.

milestones

Walking in Christ starts you on a crazy journey of change. Major milestones in my little walk with Christ include:

- the first time I realised I was selfish and self-centred
-the first time I realised Love (in the agape sense) was difficult.
- the first time I took leadership and Christian service seriously
- the first time I understood "The Gospel is Alive"
- the first time I had someone tell me my worth in Christ
- the first time I had someone tell me thank you for sharing Christ with them

so last weekend marked a major turning point in my Christian walk.
It has been one coming for a very long time.

the first time i prayed together with my mom.

and if you know me and my mom, that is really really a big big thing.

Funny thing was that just earlier in that week when I was talking to J. about how tough it was to be a godly Chinese daughter, she challenged me to pray with my mom. My first reaction was simply horror. Horror at how good and simple and sensible J's suggestion was. Horror at knowing now that I heard it I had to do it. I told J plainly, "It's a good idea. But frankly it freaks me out. I don't want to do it." J. prayed for opportunity and for God to help me. I did not give it much serious thought after that.

But things work out in mysterious ways and somehow, in the most weirdly natural of ways, driven by events I did not prepare for, J's prayer worked.

For the full lurid story in all its full blown drama-mama, look for me, the horse's mouth.

Suffice to say, God really amazes me. When they say He transforms and changes you, they were not kidding. It sure darn well was not Me that was doing the praying and talking with my mom on Sunday. It was defintely the Holy Spirit doing His thing. No other explanation for that.

Floored man, abso-freakin-lutely floored.