Built to Last

"Cause this is real and this is good
It warms the inside just like it should
But most of all
Most of all it’s built to last
It’s built to last
It’s built to last"

Melee, Built to Last

I just love this song. Plus the music video is a pretty cute reenactment of every over the top romantic gesture we secretly loved in the movies. The jangly opening, the completely optimistic lyrics, the celebratory way the lead singer belts out that chorus - It just grabs me, makes me want to dance and puts a silly smile on my face. It's really nice to know that song writers in this age can still pen hopeful love songs that are so remarkably old-fashioned. After a slew of booty-callin', get down and dirty type of 'love songs', this one just stands out.

I first heard it at a wedding: it was played during one of those obligatory powerpoint presentations of the bride and groom's childhood pictures. Somehow that song stuck in many of the guests' heads. I guess everybody is looking for an old fashioned love song as well. :)

I ended 2007 and am starting 2008 thinking seriously about what it takes to fall in love, stay in love and have love last. How do you build the foundations of a relationship that can see two people through friendship, courtship and finally marriage? I never had to think about it seriously before because it just wasn't in my field of vision. I never thought I would have choices this way.

I have stayed single for 30 years - at first, not out of choice but over the years, I did come to realise I did have a choice and I was sticking to it. I made a promise to myself and to God: stay single until the right one and the right moment appears. There have been opportunities to start something romantic and completely unwise that would definitely have ended in hurt and loss. It has been incredibly tempting and it still is tempting to cross the line that has been drawn in the sand. And every time I tell a guy about that line in the sand, part of me feels how right it is, part of me wants to kick myself for basically cementing yet another year as a singleton.

Last year was a strange year. It was the year where I felt suddenly more sure and comfortable with what made me an attractive woman. It sounds odd - but it's just not something I was ever at ease about having spent much of my teens and university years wrestling with insecurity after insecurity. Then suddenly in my late 20s there was a turning point - I am not entirely sure how I got there, but I did by God's undending grace and unflinching truth.

In late 2006, when I was 29, I wrote this. Now when I look back at my friend's prophetic words to me, I understand them anew. Then, the words transacted through the cool medium of email still brought tears of hope smeared with a bit of fear and disbelief.

Now, I read these words and I am moved by how they gell with the truth I am living now.

"now, He's undoing… and He will fit it all back together again
… it wasn't a mistake, just that it's out grown it's present purpose, function, which is a great thing
… and piecing together with other parts to fit together into something new."

I have recognised the fruits that have been bourne from being unattached through all the crucial formative years of adulthood. I see the providence of lessons that I could only learn when I learnt to walk by myself with only God to hold onto. I find a strength, resilience, wisdom and discipline within me that is not of my own creation but seeded there by God's gospel.

And I am really grateful that he took me and transformed the person I was into who I am today. I am not the same woman I was when I first knew Him. And such deep change cannot happen by human will - not mine for sure, which was definitely weak and backbone-less.

Proverbs 31 sits in from of my computer, held by a little yellow binder clip. There are words in there, phrases that shed light to what kind of woman I want to be someday. I have always found the description in there of
"An Excellent Wife" profound, difficult but ultimately - moving.

I hoped but never used to actually believe with a whole heart that the womanly traits in there were traits that modern men would find beautiful. But last year, I found two who affirmed that for me. They encouraged me that those traits in Proverbs were traits men did find deeply attractive even amid all the noise. They were traits well worth fighting for, well worth preserving and aspiring to keep. They were old-fashioned traits that would never lose their lustre to those who knew what they were looking for.

When I was in my early 20s, like a fool, I thought I would be happy if I was prettier and skinnier.
It was such a fruitless and angst-filled struggle to achieve and I never did make it.

At the cusp of my 30s, I don't need to make it that way any more. It's like an old, tacky outfit I realise I never want to wear anymore.

There has been a new paradigm of womanly beauty that has been revealed to me that is far more worthy to try and achieve.

"Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."
says Proverbs 31:25-25

From beginning to end, that will be something really worth trying a lifetime to achieve - single or married.

The future is not set in stone and things may change as the Lord gives and takes away.
I am secure in who I am by myself, with God always as my Saviour but I do look forward with joy and anticipation to the possibility of someday sharing my life with a good husband created, shaped and transformed just for me.

I want nothing less than a marriage worth waiting for.
Something real. Something good. Warms the inside like it should.
But most of all, most of all, Built to Last.

why criticism should sometimes be taken with a pinch of salt

i love how brad bird inserts this interesting speech right at the end of a children's movie.
Ratatouille is not as flashy as The Incredibles or clever as Toy Story. But it certainly has a lot of adult charm.

Anton Ego: "In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. Last night, I experienced something new, an extraordinary meal from a singularly unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged my preconceptions is a gross understatement. They have rocked me to my core. In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau’s famous motto: Anyone can cook. But I realize that only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. It is difficult to imagine more humble origins than those of the genius now cooking at Gusteau’s, who is, in this critic’s opinion, nothing less than the finest chef in France. I will be returning to Gusteau’s soon, hungry for more."

this week, three of my staff in the cafe had birthdays on the same day so Y dressed up as a big old cow and delivered a cake to the cafe. We then took turns taking pictures with the enormous cow head. :)

it's nice to know silliness can still prevail, humour can still win the day and work can still be as enjoyable as it always has been for the past 6 years since the SOT enterprise began. New challenges - personal, spiritual, material - crop up all the time but it really is good to know God is in control and I still passionately believe, as long as you keep trying to stay on the striaght and narrow, He will help make things work on all levels.

this is perpetually in my mind these days: what does it mean to be a christian especially as a colleague to difficult colleagues, as an employer of staff that make mistakes, as a waitress to demanding customers, as a teacher to unresponsive students. as a daughter to sometimes rambunctious parents.

it's so tough applying what you know about grace and forgiveness when it comes to work - where demands on efficiency are high and less slack can be cut. I suspect if all of us in church or cell group were forced to work together in a office context, we would see a lot more of our true selves. Work sometimes can bring out the demanding beast in us. Simultaneously though, because you see each other in high stress situations and see the tough, less likable parts emerge - there are much more opportunities for grace to emerge and bless.

the difficult part of course is making the decision to actively - not passively - issue grace.

we don't need to dispense grace. Grace is a senseless choice in our world. You give grace to those who may not appreciate it or acknowledge it in any way and you are expected to be glad for it.

Grace is tough and it ain't meant to be cheap. Grace is costly and goes against your intellect and pride.

my constant prayer - when i remember to pray - is just to be able to allow grace to overflow and soothe my own self-righteous wrath away.

It is so humbling to be reminded in Proverbs to make every word of your tongue a word of HEALING and BLESSING. not cursing and undermining.

I really love the apostle Paul for voicing out the everyday struggle of Christians in Romans 7:14-25 (The Message)

"I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."

Every day is beautiful and joyful and hopeful - not because things are always beautiful, joyful and hopeful...because oh man, there are PROBLEMS all the time - but everyday is gorgeous because it is a wonderful thing to know that God is in charge.

Worrying and fearing just lead to evil. Trusting, hoping and doing what needs to be done again and again - no matter how many times you feel you could have done better - leads to glory.

little bits of providence

to me friends who have been wondering what on earth i have been up to...

i think i have never worked this hard in my life.
but conversely, i think if this is what working super hard feels like - its not a bad feeling actually.
i feel excited thinking about how this year is going to end ( and yes...i am looking forward to year end and a slow down oof the madness). Its cool to know you can end the year having created really fantastic things that you believed in and still believe in.

have not been feeling stressed, overwhelmed or unhappy
mostly just severely tested - intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and physically

my workdays are now classic: i get up at about 8 - 830am, reread the nearest trashy novel next to my messy bed, and then i am in the office by 10-11am. Once at work, its non-stop - no MSN, no trashy web-trawling any more and certainly there has been no blogging for a while. At work, I am either teaching, writing magazine articles, doing magazine layout, designing collateral for office or cafe OR doing waitressing shift downstairs in the cafe. After teaching at night and maybe helping out in cafe a bit more, its back upstairs again for more magazine work. By the time I reach home, its 2am usually.

And then wash, repeat, rinse. cycle has been going on for past month and probably will continue till end of year.

I secretly like waitressing I think. I have always gotten some kind of cheap thrill from being able to keep many table's demands in my head and get them out on time and still keep that smile going. I enjoy hearing the chefs go "pick up for table six" and i can call back as professionally as i can muster "picking up table six!". Its kinda therapeutic washing dishes, wiping tables, making small talk and what not after all the intellectual blah blahing i have to do at the school.

but multi-tasking does have its limits.

somedays i stumble back exhausted and wake up cranky: and that's usually when i know i have pushed my limits too far and need to step back and rest. like really really rest. not just physically but just to take quiet time to sit down and remember again who is Sovereign and who is in control.

Running a cafe is like asking for a big humbling - in my opinion. never go into it "for fun" or "because it looks cool". F&B makes running a school look like nothing.

It has been really really good though for me to remember and rest in God's promise that He is in control of everything. Worrying only leads to evil. And I tell you, that is really balm to the soul when you have to deal with uneasonable customers, cafe staffing problems, scary numbers and the freaky thing called the Internet where all sorts of people have no trouble at all telling you in your face if they don't like what you are doing.

Keeping perspective - a heavenly one centred on God's kingdom - has been the most, the most, the most sane thing I can do for myself.

So yeah, still essentially joyful - but damn, that's a lot of work we are doing this year. woah. still not sure how we are going to finish it all and finish it well...but I have learnt to just take each day as it comes and to remember He will provide.

Thank you, God.

and thank you, all my nice friends and lovely sister and mom, for continuously turning up at the cafe so that I can still imagine I have an outside life. i have been encouraged really. truly grateful for the support. and for God bringing people constantly into the cafe - dont know how it happens. just know that it does and i feel really it is a kind of miracle.

Perspective. perspective. perspective.

Kay....going home now. leaving the office - once more at 130am. ha.

hee hee

SHOUT OUT from the blogosphere about food for thought. yay!

Where do we go from here?

In my head, I call this picture "Where do we go from here?"

One of my favourite shots from Cinque Terre in Italy. There's something that gets to me about the picture - the emptiness of the platform, the serene stretch of ocean behind them, and the amiable yet pensive tension of a couple waiting for their train to arrive.

Why Gorday Ramsay (Minus Expletives) reminds me of God

While re-reading Anthony Bourdain's "A Cook's Tour", this passage struck me:

"Finally, there’s England’s greatest chef, or England’s biggest bully, depending on which paper you’re reading at the time – the fearsome and prodigiously talented Gordon Ramsay. I’d been hearing about this guy for years. Ex-footballer. Formerly with Robuchon, Ducasse, Guy Savoy, Marco Pierre White. A legendary wordsmith in the kitchen – famed for excoriating his crew, ejecting food critics, speaking his mind bluntly and undiplomatically. Awhile back, I was told about the cinema verité Boiling Point series, in which the beleaguered Ramsay was said to behave monstrously to his staff. Intrigued, I managed to track down a copy of the videotape series. To my mind, Ramsay was sympathetic from beginning to end. I rooted for him as he sweated out the beginning of a service period for a massive banquet at Versailles, ill-equipped, with only a rent-a-staff of indolent bucket heads to help him. I cheered when he summarily dismissed a waiter for guzzling water in full view of the dining room. Pour décourager les autres, I’m guessing. I suffered as he suffered the interminable wait for his much-hoped-for third Michelin star and was heartbroken when he didn’t get it. (He since has.) Those who can’t understand why a chef operating at Ramsay’s level gets a little cranky, or who appears to be operating at a higher and more self-important pitch than their boss, simply don’t understand what it’s like to work in a professional kitchen. They certainly don’t understand what it takes to be the best in that world. It is not how well you can cook alone that makes a great chef, but your ability to cook brilliantly, day in and day out – in an environment where a thousand things can go wrong, with a crew that oftentimes would just as happily be sticking up convenience stores, in a fickle, cost-conscious, capricious world where everybody is hoping that you fail.

Is he really such a complete bastard? Let’s put it this way: On a recent visit to his restaurant in Chelsea, I recognized large numbers of staff – both front and back of the house – from Boiling Point. Years later and they’re still there. When Ramsay walked out of Aubergine, the entire staff, service staff included – an incredible forty-five people – chose to go with him. That’s really the most telling statistic. Does he still enjoy the loyalty of his crew? He does. No cook shows up every day in Gordon Ramsay’s kitchen, works those kind of hours, offers themselves up daily to the rigors of a three-star service period, toiling in a small, hot space where at any moment they could get a painful and humiliating ass reaming because Gordon Ramsay is the biggest bastard or the biggest bully in England. They show up every day and work like Trojans because he’s the best."

When I read that, it made me think of how so many people perceive God as a complete bastard who should tone down. We like the soft parts about Love and Grace in the Bible but are embarrassed or unhappy about the much nastier bits about Judgment, God's intolerance for Sin and quest for Perfection in us snivelling never-do-wells.

Why do people stick with Ramsay and endure all that pain and suffering? For similar reasons why many sincere Christians sacrifice time, money and face to do things they pretty much did not need to do or would not have desired to do - like giving more money to the poor, lending an ear to friend after friend, serving in ministry after ministry etc.

We "show up every day and work like Trojans" because we know God is the best.

To paraphrase Bourdain, what's amazing is God's ability to manage the world brilliantly, day in and day out – in an environment where a thousand things can go wrong, with a bunch of human beings that oftentimes would just as happily be doing every bad or convenient thing under the sun, in a fickle, cost-conscious, capricious world where everybody is hoping that God will fail.

If I had to do God's job, I would find it mighty hard to be Mr Popular when I know I need to lay down some serious smack-down.

Invisible City 备忘录 by Tan Pin Pin, opens 22nd July 2007

Loved Singapore GaGa.....who wants to watch Invisible City with me?

St Francis of Assisi is Da Man

...because he came up with two of my favourite quotes

"Preach the Gospel at all times and if necessary, use words"

and

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

For a dude from many centuries ago, his quotes are still as refreshing and necessary in our silly modern age.

Food for Thought

Some days, I still cannot believe we are actually doing this. But God willing, by mid July, there is gonna be a new cafe in town and it's gonna kick some copious amounts of butt.

P.S. for those of you who don't already know....School of Thought is setting up a cafe.
We are now officially in Phase 2.0 dubbed Make Trouble for Yourself, Rock da Cosy Boat and Set Up Another Enterprise. :)

Fear, Passion and Purity

Last Saturday as my hairdresser set out to save my unkempt hairstyle from fashion doom, I read "Every Woman's Battle (Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment" by Shannon Ethridge in one intense sitting.

The book put me in a pretty sober even melancholy mood throughout the whole weekend. The book was not radical or thought provoking in terms of issues raised - it was the usual rehash of the need to stay pure and chaste. The difference was her frankness about how women had to continually fight to keep their purity throughout dating, courtship and in their marriage.

Ethridge was quite upfront - if we women thought it was appalling that men could not keep their eyes from straying even after they got married, we had to take a really close look at how often women let their hearts and minds stray. Many women are guilty of conducting virtual emotional and mental affairs - only some were unlucky enough to get caught when they acted upon the affairs in reality. Ethridge's warning was that if we never learnt to discipline our hearts in our singlehood, we might carry this habit even after marriage: thus allowing the roots of adulterous affairs to take place.

The book scared me. I sometimes laugh at how fast men's heads swivel around on the street at the sight of a pretty girl - but I find it far more serious when I see how fast my own heart can swivel around in the presence of an attractive man. I found myself wondering throughout the day: So why do we women do this? Why can't I get a grip on my heart and mind as much as I would like to? Why do a few choice words or sweet gestures make my resolve melt?

I know I should stay open to being touched by a man's sweet words and lovely gestures - as a single woman, if you put up too unrelenting, too judgmental a wall, you run the painful risk of never letting yourself be open to love and being loved by the right man.

But yet, I don't want to be so open to being touched by words and gestures that suddenly you cannot discern who the right man is any more. Your fickle heart just starts to fall for any man who pushes the right emotional and mental buttons. I don't want to be that undiscerning single woman. And for the future, I don't want to be that adulterous wife either.

I don't think I was ready to date in my early 20s - I was too fearful and insecure in my own identity. I used to say flippantly that I have no problems staying single for the rest of my life if need be because I was scared to hope, scared of disappointment and scared of being let down by God.

Approaching 30 this year, I can finally say quite confidently I know who I am, I know what I want in life, I know the kind of man I can last a lifetime with and I am no longer afraid to hope.

Still, I need to keep watch over my old fears - because it pays not to be overconfident and complacent. Old fears have deep roots and are remarkably resilient and ever-ready to grow again.

What am I scared of? What fears and lies tempt me away from being wise and beckon me towards the path of destruction?

In all honesty:
I have always been scared of not being physically attractive enough.
I have always been scared that good character does not make enough difference to men, even Christian men.
I get scared that God is not as faithful as I believe. That He could not be bothered with my petty desires
I get scared that That This is As Good As It Gets and You Should Just Take what the world has to offer for God does not have better plans for me.
I get scared that patience, faith and hopin God's plans are silly notions - better to be impatient, take things into your own hands and hope you yourself can force things to work.

The fears are very very real in their ability to knock me off course despite my knowing that the fears are very very false.

And so, only Truth sets me free.

So this is what I know is True:
God loves me - in Him, I have significance and security and no fear that I am without worth.
His love transforms me because I see the way He wants me to be and His love helps me believe I can be that way.
God loves the men and women of this world - they all have worth and significance in Him.
His love will transform them the same way that they transform me.

God Makes a Difference. People who have finally accepted that God loves them can be transformed. When you know you are loved, you suddenly feel you can do anything. You feel renewed and reborn - that somebody has looked past all your weaknesses and dirtiness and seen the gold within. You can be Good again because you finally found someone who believes you will be Good.

And God is faithful - His plans to remake us in His image, remake our relationships into purer kinder relationships will come to pass. And patience, faith and hope will see their reward not just in the unseen future but also in the present.

There is so much that is mysterious to me right now. So much unknown that should scare me.
I don't know who God has in store for me at the end of the day
But the patience for God's timing to unfold, and faith in the Goodness of His plans puts peace in my heart that helps me wait.

And this day at least, and prayerfully every other day to come,
I can believe that I will find the strength to stay patient and stay pure while I wait.

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Help me God, not to be a Fool.

Thank you Mother Teresa

"Do not think that love,
in order to be genuine,
has to be extraordinary.

What we need is to love
without getting tired. "

I love this quote from Mother Teresa. And I love it that she tried to live up to her own words.

How to Be Good

Just read Nick Hornby's How to Be Good and was doing some thinking about stuff I want to improve on in my behaviour. It's not depressing stuff - completely understand how God's grace will see me through and help me be a better person. But I find it is always good once in a while to muse about one's shortcomings and force yourself to buck up.

Since I was a kid, I have always wanted to be the Good kid, the one that sits on the side of the angels - who is naturally polite to her parents, does all her homework, always has an intelligent answer, always has perfect manners, smiles alot, is never burdensome and always winsome.

Now as an adult, it is hard to look at the gulf between what you want to do and what you actually do. I feel even more like a louse when I have walking, talking specimens of humanity who live up to the ideals that I aspire to. Witnessing their lovely sides makes me wish I could be as Good as that.

Here is my current Wish List of Good Behaviour right now:

I want to be as consistently friendly to strangers as D - hospitality is such a gift and I realise while I have a little bit of that talent, it is no where near what I think hospitality ought to be. I want to be the type of person who leaves behind a trail of cheeriness everyday and sometimes back in taciturn Singapore, it's easy to slip back into the culture and put on the deadpan pedestrian face.

I want to be as inspiring as Y - who keeps tabs on all his students and knows all their names, silly fears and mundane thoughts. I want to live up to the ideal of what I think a teacher ought to be and some days, I let work and just selfish desire to retreat into personal space stop me from reaching out as much as I should.

I want to be as neat as L. My table is such a mess and my room has devolved back to its primal soup stage.


Current mood: musing, optimistic, hopeful, trying to keep the faith and impatient for things to happen
Current music in room: my students yakking about iPods while I cling onto the last few minutes before class starts

6 books i want to read and cannot find :(

1: Organic Church: Growing Faith Where Life Happens
by Neil Cole

2: Organic Community: Creating a Place Where People Naturally Connect
by Joseph R. Myers

3: The Radical Reformission: Reaching Out without Selling Out
by Mark Driscoll

4: The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical
by Shane Claiborne

5: Faith Works: How to Live Your Beliefs and Ignite Positive Social Change
by Jim Wallis

6: The Relevant Nation: 50 Activist, Artists And Innovators Who Are Changing Their World Through Faith
by Heather Zydek

A Man and a Woman

True love never can be rent
But only true love can keep beauty innocent

I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman
No I could never take a chance
‘Cos I could never understand
The mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

You can run from love
And if it’s really love it will find you
Catch you by the heel
But you can’t be numb for love
The only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I’m holding you?

The soul needs beauty for a soul mate
When the soul wants… the soul waits …

For love and faith and sex and fear
And all the things that keep us here
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

A Man and a Woman, U2

Alas, Oprah, I Loved Ye So Well

Oh Oprah, Oprah, Oprah.

I once loved your crazy shows where you paid off bills for some lucky never-do-well, roused your audience to raise money for your Angel Network and gave beauty makeovers so dramatic that you made ugly ducklings weep. I used to be unashamed to say I watched the Oprah Winfrey show because - well - there was some good being done through her show. Plus, Oprah herself could be really charismatic and inspiring when she talked about the need to help others.

But now, I find the direction of your show difficult to comprehend and almost repulsive. First, the public skewering of James Frey. Then, the increasing propensity to talk over your guests. And now, the inexplicable throwing of your moral weight behind the most unbelivably pretentious self-help book I have seen in a long time - "The Secret"

"The Secret" is far more noxious than anything John Gray or Anthony Robbins has put out because at least those guys never crossed over to the realm of claiming their bag of postive thinking tricks were used by Einstein, Jesus, Moses and Leonardo da Vinci. They never claimed their theories were scientific or a spiritual truth. (Can I pause to scream into cyberspace right now: ARGH, HOW I LOATHE "THE SECRET"! And I loathe how people will fall for its clever tricks because of slick packaging and clever copywriting! How can people buy into this snake-oil rubbish!)

I think this Salon article pretty much sums up my disillusion with Oprah and her works. I loved that woman and I still love her crazy, "I want to help the world" attitude. But girl, you are so not helping the world right now with this "Secret" rubbish. Please, stop. the. insanity. ( rant over)


Excerpt from Oprah's Ugly Secret by Salon.Com's Peter Birkenhead

"The promises of Oprah culture can seem irresistible, and its hallmarks are becoming ubiquitous. Believers may be separated into tribes according to what they believe, but they do it in pretty much the same way, relying on a "Secret"-style conception of "intuition" --- which seems to amount to the sneaking suspicion that they're always right -- to arrive at their tenets. Instead of the world as it is, constantly changing and full of contradiction, they see a fixed and fantastical place, where good things come to those who believe, whether it's belief in a diet, a God, or a Habit of Successful People. These believers may believe in the healing power of homeopathy, or Scripture or organizational skills -- in intelligent design, astrology or privatization. They all trust that their devotion will be rewarded with money and boyfriends and job promotions, with hockey championships and apartments. And most of all they believe -- they really, really believe -- in themselves.

For these believers, self-knowledge is much less important than self-"love." But the question they never seem to ask themselves is: If you wouldn't tell another person you loved her before you got to know her, why would you do that to yourself? Skipping the getting-to-know-you part has given us what we deserve: the Oprah culture. It's a culture where superstition is "spirituality," illiteracy is "authenticity," and schoolmarm moralism is "character." It's a culture where people apologize by saying, "I'm sorry you took offense at what I said," and forgive by saying, "I'm not angry at you anymore, I'm grateful to you for teaching me not to trust shitheads like you." And that's the part that should bother us most: the diminishing, even implicit mocking, of genuine goodness, and of authentic spiritual concerns and practices. Engagement, curiosity and active awe are in short supply these days, and it's sickening to see them devalued and misrepresented."

Yet another reason to love Italy

Where else in the world can you find a bunch of hot-blooded male cooks who have such an innate sense for the theatrical that they can stage an impromptu chorus (with all of them singing in parts!) without missing out a beat as they dish out freshly grilled meats to the public?

No, this is not a stage performance - thought it just might be a scene straight from Les Miserables' "Do You Hear the People Sing?", if the characters were not French revolutionaries but Italian cooks.

The cooks just happened to set up their table with a very dark alley as a backdrop. Coupled with the smoke from the multiple grills rising up as dramatic mists and blazing white-lights turned on them, and you had an instant street musical worthy of Broadway. And one had the comedic timing to cheekly interject in between harmonising, "No Photo. No Photo. No flash." although all their grins told you they were eating up all the attention.

Good song with good food. Bravissimi!

The Meet Cute

"The Meet Cute"

I learnt this new phrase while watching that amazingly awful romantic comedy The Holiday en route to London three weeks ago. The Holiday reaches new depths of mediocrity with the scenes between Cameron Diaz and Jude Law (gorgeous people but ARGH, noxious plot!) but at least had a few charming bits during the Kate Winslet scenes. (But of course I also think Kate Winslet can do no wrong. hee.)

Anyhow, Kate Winslet plays poor melancholy Iris, a magazine writer nursing her pummelled heart. Her ex-boyfriend is that kind of cad that still wants to remain friends but keeps things so fuzzy that you are always wondering hopefully if he still likes you and wants to get back together. So Iris flies all the way to California to escape her crummy life.

Anyhow in the Hollywood neighbourhood, Iris befriends Old Screenwriter because he has lost his way home and she decides to kindly offer him a ride. That's when he tells her about "The Meet Cute"

According to good old Wikipedia:
"In the film The Holiday (2006), Eli Wallach's character Arthur Abbott (a Hollywood screenwriter) described a meet-cute by saying "Say a man and a woman both need something to sleep in and both go to the same men's pajama department. The man says to the salesman, I just need bottoms, and the woman says, I just need a top. They look at each other and that's the meet-cute." "

In other words, it's one of the conventions of romantic comedy films where you have the contrived encounter of two potential romantic partners in unusual or comic circumstances. During a "meet-cute", scriptwriters often create a humorous sense of awkwardness between the two potential partners by depicting an initial clash of personalities or beliefs, an embarrassing situation, or by introducing a comical misunderstanding or mistaken identity situation.

So if screen mimicks reality to some extent, I wonder how many of the couples I know began with a Meet Cute in real life?

the end of the affair

i did not mean to do it but i spent my entire morning sitting at a coffee shop trying to finish Graham Greene's The End of the Affair. It just got so engrossing I decidded to push aside thoughts of work.

I am floored by Greene's insight and his ability to put simple words to the tangled, complex struggle between wanting to do the right thing for God and wanting to run back to the security of the wrong things.

what an amazing work - deceiving in its brevity.

Think I shall pick up The Power and the Glory next. Wow.

The Art of Life

Was musing with RBF over dinner about life choices and how they shape the person you become. It's amazing to consider how a million tiny choices that we make moment by moment seem to edge us towards a better or worse path. Only when you look back at all the decisions you have made thus far do you suddenly see clearly how you slowly but surely created the person that you are this moment. How strange and humbling to know your "Yes" and "No" to whatever comes your way leave indentations in our clay-like selves: what kind of life, what kind of self have we sculpted ourselves into?

I always liked the analogy that our lives were like a giant carpet being woven. On one side, you can only see a crazy criss crossing patchwork of threads that seem to make no sense even though you thought you swore you wove correctly. But when you turn it around, you suddenly see the pattern in full glory and all the stuff suddenly makes sense.

Sometimes I think if God left me completely alone to paint the picture of my life with my limited imagination and limited understanding of my character, I would have made one screwy mess of it.

I can totally see how "but for the grace of God, go I".

Without God making me wise up to my inner idiot, I would have turned into one of those girls I hate. I would have become one of those awful, fashionably left-wing, liberal jerks with a smart mouth full of empty diatribes about the unenlightened of society. I would have painted my opponents with broad stereotyping strokes. I would have loudly and intelligently backed all the "right" social causes without the humble wisdom to put in the tough work required in the face of unlovable human beings. I would be a terrible, affected windbag with words of sound and fury, signifying nothing. I would have been a pretentious awful, awful person.

Without God's merciful revelation of my insecurities and healing power of Love, I would have probably gotten myself into countless flings with the worst sorts of men. I would have given up everything for a cheap semblance of affection. I would not have understood what real love looked or felt like. Though I don't really know much of her life, (and I don't want to insult or oversimplify what she has gone through) somedays I think I would not have been that far off from taking the path Annabel Chong took. I read about her and I don't feel disgust for all that she has done. I just think how realistically speaking, it would have been entirely possible for me to have decided to do the things she did. I think of her and wonder what I would say if I had the chance to have coffee wih her.

For me, without God, my life would have been mud. A long wallow in the dark, shifting quicksand.

With God, though...

...My life is on solid rock and one sure footstep after another, I know I can navigate even the most precarious lands though I see no map in sight.

...and my days are sun-kissed where even the most melancholy and tear-filled days are edged with the gold of hope.

To my fellow traveller CL, its good to know yet another who understands the taste of a life sweetened by God's timely and kindly revelations.

How good it is to be Beloved.

And better to know that the good life is already a gift within everyone's grasp.

Oh, that more should reach out and taste it for what it is.