little bits of providence

to me friends who have been wondering what on earth i have been up to...

i think i have never worked this hard in my life.
but conversely, i think if this is what working super hard feels like - its not a bad feeling actually.
i feel excited thinking about how this year is going to end ( and yes...i am looking forward to year end and a slow down oof the madness). Its cool to know you can end the year having created really fantastic things that you believed in and still believe in.

have not been feeling stressed, overwhelmed or unhappy
mostly just severely tested - intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and physically

my workdays are now classic: i get up at about 8 - 830am, reread the nearest trashy novel next to my messy bed, and then i am in the office by 10-11am. Once at work, its non-stop - no MSN, no trashy web-trawling any more and certainly there has been no blogging for a while. At work, I am either teaching, writing magazine articles, doing magazine layout, designing collateral for office or cafe OR doing waitressing shift downstairs in the cafe. After teaching at night and maybe helping out in cafe a bit more, its back upstairs again for more magazine work. By the time I reach home, its 2am usually.

And then wash, repeat, rinse. cycle has been going on for past month and probably will continue till end of year.

I secretly like waitressing I think. I have always gotten some kind of cheap thrill from being able to keep many table's demands in my head and get them out on time and still keep that smile going. I enjoy hearing the chefs go "pick up for table six" and i can call back as professionally as i can muster "picking up table six!". Its kinda therapeutic washing dishes, wiping tables, making small talk and what not after all the intellectual blah blahing i have to do at the school.

but multi-tasking does have its limits.

somedays i stumble back exhausted and wake up cranky: and that's usually when i know i have pushed my limits too far and need to step back and rest. like really really rest. not just physically but just to take quiet time to sit down and remember again who is Sovereign and who is in control.

Running a cafe is like asking for a big humbling - in my opinion. never go into it "for fun" or "because it looks cool". F&B makes running a school look like nothing.

It has been really really good though for me to remember and rest in God's promise that He is in control of everything. Worrying only leads to evil. And I tell you, that is really balm to the soul when you have to deal with uneasonable customers, cafe staffing problems, scary numbers and the freaky thing called the Internet where all sorts of people have no trouble at all telling you in your face if they don't like what you are doing.

Keeping perspective - a heavenly one centred on God's kingdom - has been the most, the most, the most sane thing I can do for myself.

So yeah, still essentially joyful - but damn, that's a lot of work we are doing this year. woah. still not sure how we are going to finish it all and finish it well...but I have learnt to just take each day as it comes and to remember He will provide.

Thank you, God.

and thank you, all my nice friends and lovely sister and mom, for continuously turning up at the cafe so that I can still imagine I have an outside life. i have been encouraged really. truly grateful for the support. and for God bringing people constantly into the cafe - dont know how it happens. just know that it does and i feel really it is a kind of miracle.

Perspective. perspective. perspective.

Kay....going home now. leaving the office - once more at 130am. ha.