E.B.'s piece about the sleaziness of fairytale princes and Marx's musings about what modern day princes need to do to win princesses had me thinking too about where I got my ideas about romance and What Maketh a Real Prince from....so, here goes.
Age 4 - 7: Guy as One and Only Saviour. Ew.
I never liked the fairytale romance set-up. The Prince Charming archetype seemed as insipid and interesting as a Ken doll. I privately thought (overly precocious kid that I was) that Charming did not deserve such luck with the ladies of LaLa Land. Let's see: Charming had looks, money, a kingdom that dear King Papa gave to him. Snow White endured an abusive mother, was a great housekeeper to seven boys and was kind enough to inspire the huntsman to feel great guilt. Cinderella patiently put up with an abusive family and was a great housekeeper (coincidence?) and caretaker of little animals. Briar Rose aka Sleeping Beauty ummmm....had it pretty good, except for having parents that offended the Evil Witch Next Door. Bah. Charming Sucks.
Age 8 -10 Guy as Nice Symbolic Accessory. Eww.
The next Romance Typology I was exposed to was in Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, 3 Investigators type books. I hated Ned Nickerson, Nancy's useless boyfriend who seemed useful only as a decoy or a conveniently-just-in-time rescuer. I always wanted her to date Frank Hardy, the more steady, intelligent and manly of the Hardy brothers. (Joe was just a frat boy. ewww. and the 3 Investigators were basically fun but asexual.)
Signs of alternative concepts to come : Came across the abridged version of Dickens' Tale of Two Cities and was kinda taken by how Sidney Carton secretly loved Lucie Manette so much that he took the place of her fiance in the guillotine to preserve her happiness. When he sees the guillotine and thinks "This is a far far better thing than I have ever done", I was like - whoooo, you the man. Also discovered Little Women series, got terribly charmed by the sweet old-fashioned and chaste take on marriage and courtship there. Alcott's Protestant values were all over the book. Loved Jo's clumsy little romance with Professor Behr best. But then again, every girl loves Jo.
Age 11 - 13 Guy as Sacrificial, Grown-up Partner. Mmm.
From that Sidney Carton thread, I went on being more inspired by the romances I saw in my Dragonlance fantasy novels and X-Men comics. These were written for older audiences, so this was my first exposure to more adult ideas on romance. The Dragonlance novels were written by Mormons so some Christian-like elements were insinuated into the character's romantic choices. I liked how Tanis Half-Elven had to learn through multiple losses to appreciate that his childhod infatuation for Laurana needed to grow up into a more enduring, steadfast love that could survive a dark, suffering world. I liked how Laurana was inspired to mature her own whiny crush on Tanis when she witnessed how the sacrificial patient bond between Riverwind and Goldmoon brought hope and faith into the land. I was moved by how the tortured knight Sturm Brightblade gave up a chance at romance with his soul mate so that he could meet his final destiny, to fight in faith and die heroically in a pivotal battle. All of them so noble, can die. My teenage heart goes truly gaga.
Age 14 - 19 The Possibility of No Guy. Woah.
I discovered Les Miserables as well as the longsuffering Eponine in Les MIserables and her soliloquy "On My Own", destined to be the classic torch-song of all single women of the world with secret crushes on unattainable men. :) I had no sympathies for Cosette (her unwitting rival) who got all she wanted with little effort. I developed great admiration for Jean Valjean - the single Christian martyr of a man who devoted his entire life to Loving others. I was really taken at the final scene when Valjean lies dying and he sees a ghostly vision of Eponine and Fantine, women devastated by earthly romances, calling him to find the rest he deserved in the Kingdom to a greater glory and a greater Love. Phwaor.
When you think about it - It is a mindblowing thing to witness as a young, non Christian. It was an extraordinary, inspirational alternative message to the usual 'Everybody Gets Married/Falls in Love/Escapes With Their Soulmate' ending of musicals like Sound of Music, Fiddler on the Roof, Phantom etc. The promise of a Bigger, Profound Love versus earthly romance was a tremendously moving concept.
Age 20 -28 Christ enters picture. Win Already lor.
My take on romance today? If I can find the great equation of Guy Who Loves God + Who Tries To Love Others + Who Incidentally Kinda Loves Me too, I think that's a pretty cool foundation for romance to start. No more. No less.
What would I totally go for? If I see the guy constantly thinking about God, looking out for needs to care for and people to reach out to, and if I see all that brings a genuine smile to his face, lightness to his step and infectious confidence and passion to his voice - whoo!!
Chocolates, flowers, charming demeanor, moonlit dates, witchkilling, dragonslaying kinda cute, maybe sweet, slightly gimmicky BUT eh, completely and utterly negotiable.
Postscript - writing this blog kinda makes me realise how impactful undercover-Christian books, film and television are. I never knew all that stuff shaped my thinking on romance so much. We need more Christian artists, musicians, writers and filmmakers out there to produce subtle, insightful cultural goods!
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Haha, it's a bit funny to read this post. It's amazing how you can remember all these things! (the changes among different ages.) Some comments...
~ "Tale of Two Cities," I read it in high school. But I didn't admire Sidney Carton's sacrifice too much... I was too realistic, I thought to myself, "ohh c'mon, is there really such good man?"
~ Les Miserables, saw it in my mid-twenties. Totally love it. Much agree with what you said. Was quite emotional after the show! Gives me tears just thinking about it (or when reading your post)... yea, did not care too much about Cosette (and her man either).
~ Age 20-28... good luck girl! It funny how there're so many Christians, but how often do we see someone like that? sad... on the same page as you on that one...
Lastly, how I turned out today really have a lot to do what I read. A good book can change lives. Have you read any of C.S. Lewis' books?
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