TissueAunty's saga has taken on a new twist. I got a call from her son saying they had trouble paying the rent and they were going to get evicted if they did not pay by 7pm that night. I thought if I could speak to the housing agent directly I could find out more about the situation and reason it out.
It turns out the agent herself sympathised with the family but the owner of the flat was quite no-nonsense and unsympathetic because in her view, the TissueFamily (TF) was nothing but trouble - messy, late in their payments and unreliable in their word. They had apparently promised to pay by a certain time but kept delaying and delaying and hence had broken trust with the owner. The rent and PUB bill for the month was up and that was that.
I offered to bail the family out by paying the rent first. The TF was grateful and I made them promise to pay the PUB bill at least on the alloted date. I stressed to them how they could not give the landlord any reason to mistrust them anymore. TF repeated that they would be getting their pay on that day and could definitely pay.
So anyhow, today was the alloted date. TF had actually called me in the day quite happily telling me they got their salary and were going to pay. But at 9pm, I got a distraught call from the harrassed agent wailing that she did not want to take charge of their account anymore because TF kept delaying the appointed time to meet and deliver the money. She was frustrated and fed up with being the middle man between an unreliable tenant and an unreasonable landlord. I think she was appealing to me once more to take up the bill.
I admit - I feel really frustrated and irritated now with the TF - I don't like the thought that now that I am involved, I cannot ignore their plight. I have to help them as my neighbour. But how do I do this for the long haul? I find myself thinking the same thoughts as the agent - What if next month and the month after that is the same thing? I cant keep bailing them out, I cant keep paying their rent for them. That cant be the solution - can it?
Her problems have now become my problems. The agent now has me on speed dial. And I had to talk with nasty landlord as well. I am officially INVOLVED. ha. Precisely what I asked God for - great. Now what?
Beyond the idealistic fervour of prayer after moving sermons about "love your neighbour", when given a chance to do so and having to confront that said neighbour may not consistently uplifting and fun to love - what do we do? what would Jesus do?
I am trying to give them the benefit of the doubt that something happened and thus they have not been able to meet the agent. But I am sorely tempted with the thought of getting angry at them, bailing out, telling them I cannot do this any more, drawing the boundaries etc. But I am haunted by a constant question - is it right? I know it is practical...but is it right? is it right? is it God's way or mine? What's wrong with the picture? Is it me? I am shocked too by my own anger, impatience and irritation - it is there, at the edges, waiting. If I dont figure out the godly answer to this little conundrum, I am gonna breed some self-righteous hullabooloo within.
This whole 'get-personally-involved-with-the-poor' mission I have taken on is really teaching me some super hard lessons in the cost of grace and hands-on love thy neighbour. Making me solidify my theories. So so so so much harder when you apply ideals to real life!
Its a real education - a regular PhD in theology of sorts! ha.
I have to confront some awful truths about my own attachment to money and my own ideas about personal responsibility and fairness.
Am more and more aware I can never deceive myself that I am "nice". NO, I am certainly not "nice" - I have many more lessons to learn about
true humility, integrity and patience. I am sure there is something I must learn and change - but what?
I dont have my thoughts straight yet. But off the cuff - yeah, it is damnably frustrating. MIssionaries to the poor have my greatest respect.
Gonna read a new book I got about missions to the poor - hopefully it is less airy fairy theory and more on practical application. Post more when I sort out my thoughts.
Meanwhile....ARGH! >:( and GAH!
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- neonangel
- i play with words, ideas, images, paddy-pawed creatures and food. i have read too many comics, watched too much tv, gamed too many hours, analysed too many people and ate too much good food. i am christian and still processing all that entails.
2 comments:
hi jaimee, i dont know if you read my earlier posts about my encounters with this family. I have been helping them over a year as far and I am commmited to it for the long haul.
the point you raise here:
"My point is that unless you are able to sustain your philanthropy over a long period of time, you may be doing a disservice rather than a favour to the recipients of your seemingly whimsical acts of generosity. Did it occur to you to question the Tissue people why they have difficulty making payment of the rent / utility bills on time notwithstanding an income?"
is the very reason why i am more involved with their lives. I did deliberately choose to commit myself to helping out this one family for life perhaps.
Yes it did occur to me why they have difficulty sustaining income.
Yes, I do not believe at all in dropping coins on the streets as the only expression of godly charity - I do believe it is harmful. too short term, piece meal for real impact. I believe in sustainable charity - on top of the TF, I am GIRO-bonded to charities who do sustainable development work with the poor.
Helping out TF is a decision i have taken to see what its like when giving is not just monetary expression but a giving of a relationship.
I have tried to be as honest as possible in my blogs about the frustration of doing so. In no way do i want to come off as some generous guardian angel. I am hopelessly flawed. I precisely wanted to show that charitable work is not done by perfect generous beings but beings who struggle with nonsensical thoughts and ugly behaviour of their own. I wanted to record my own walk with learning how to give.
I do not see the landlord or the agent as "suppressors of the poor". Like you, I understand where they are coming from and why they do the things they do. Part of the relationship with TF has meant I had to communicate to them why their actions are so often misconstrued for very valid reasons. TF sometimes do not realise how their actions do not build trust with others.
For the record, I like th agent. She is commited to help out TF too. I do not see her as a villain.
as for this quote: " Jesus may not necessarily have gotten himself into the situation that you are in. "
I really don't know how to reply you on this. I dont know either. I think he might have. I do wonder how he might have done it differently.
It is something I think about all the time and pray about.
I do hope you pray, support and encourage me on this as well.
I am sorry but your comment has been saddening to read. If you are indeed a fellow christian, please do not judge me without even knowing who I am or indeed who TF is. I am not who you seem to want to think I am.
Hi Neon
Just visited your blog on a sudden whim and come across this entry.
I'm sorry you're facing this frustration.
Would have liked to say I understand but I must say I don't really because I've not really gotten into the position of giving to the less privileged committedly.
I do understand how it is draining and frustrating, and when it felt like the demand is on you to 'walk YET another mile in their shoes' or to 'give YET another dollar' that we feel like screaming "When will this end God?"
I've read in a previous blog entry that you had given her a job to clean your office. I'm wondering of the feasibility of using that to paying her rent and utilities first monthly (explaining this to her quite clearly. Would it help to ask the agent to issue a receipt as proof that her rent and utilities are paid so she knows you're not pulling a fast one on her?)
Will pray for this so do keep us updated about this through your blog.
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