mental games

was looking at article about how Constance (the former VJC girl, ex air stewardess who fell in love with a karang guni man)finally got convicted for killing little Sindee Neo. The photo they had of Constance was so normal looking and sweet-faced. The psychologist's take was that Constance had spiralled into where she was now because her schizophrenia went unchecked.

I wonder what was going through her head from her fresh faced JC days all the way to her standing before the judge, getting her sentence.

here's one ridiculous conundrum i find myself on some moody days:

sometimes i will start by wishing people were easier to understand or easier to talk to.
Then I start wondering how easy I am for someone else to understand.
Then I worry that though I may think I am easy to get to know, I may be deceiving myself in actuality.
Then I start worrying about whether I am a hypocrite.
rinse. repeat. angst.
kick self in backside.
return to living normal life.

I wonder what other unproductive mental cycles of silliness we all have within us? Those private, bizarro self-defeating mental routines that are triggered by goodness knows what? What little madness-es do we have within us and hide?

sometimes when i see 'mad people' or extremely socially awkward people, i wonder exactly how disimilar i am actually from them.

hmm.