When I was 22 and living out on my own, I was obsessed with the idea of going out to make One Big Mistake.
It was a really perverse thought - I rationally, logically decided that life would not be complete without making that One Big Mistake that would teach you big things. It did not help that there were some friends around me then who had that same concept - that to learn from life, you gotta go out and make mistakes. True to some extent - but it can be a really insidious way of justifying many wrong things that you want to do with your life.
By some grace, I did NOT get to make my One Big Mistake. My life on paper looks pretty vanilla in some aspects.
But from time to time, I do get bitter thoughts about how much more "fun" other people had - making mistakes before turning over a new life. I sometimes -perversely - wonder why I could not have been one of those "lucky" few. Objectively, I know its a stupid thought. Emotionally, its a thought that still makes me wonder.
Sometimes when I read the story of the Prodigal Son, I see myself empathising with the angsty elder brother. God (the Father in the story) is quick to show a tremendous outpouring of grace upon people who have done a great deal of wrong. And sometimes I look at the Prodigal Sons around me - richly blessed after a life of Big Mistakes - and wonder, "So what was the whole point in me being good and all for, God?! I mean, why don't I get rewarded for staying good?!"
And that's the whole reason why C.S. Lewis said Pride is arguably the biggest sin.
What's even uglier than Pride in one's sinfulness is Pride in one's 'goodness' - "Look at me! I am Good! Yeah Baby! Check out how GOOOOOD I AM! I am gooder than you'll ever be, punk."
In Luke 15, the angsty goody goody brother of the Prodigal Son yells," 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'"
But the father (God) replies "My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "
I admit - I am jealous of the Prodigal Sons around me. I wish I had a taste of life on the Bad side even if I rationally know that's the last thing I want to wish on myself. I wish I could get double the gifts from God for "being in God's good books" I want to get "paid" for being good.
But God doesn't work that way. God's Kingdom is not a meritocracy. Just because you extra good, you don't get extra goodies. God is fair. Every one who comes to Him gets richly paid - whether they came early or came late into His Kingdom. And I must NEVER begrudge anyone that!
Celebrate and be glad for how richly God chooses to bless even the most Prodigal of Prodigals.
And just find delight in living for God's sake rather than my own sake.
That's the lesson I am still learning.
sigh - I've got a Martha Martyr complex! Gag - I am a pissy goody-goody.
Boo.
8 comments:
"And that's the whole reason why C.S. Lewis said Pride is arguably the biggest sin. "
that's the biggest lesson i have learned from reading C.S Lewis.
Perhaps the "One Big Mistake" one thinks he/she hasn't made is that he/she hasn't realized that they are making that mistake right now.
who is really the prodigal son in the story? the younger or the elder? even though the elder son was always with the father, but does he really understand the father's heart? when he bursted out with anger, was the anger developed at the moment or was it built up over time?
it was the younger son who realized the need of the father.
the ending of the story did not say anything about what happened to the elder son. perhaps it's more difficult for the elder son to repent (due to his self-righteousness). who is Jesus addressing to with this story? people like the younger or elder son?
people who are like the younger son are comforted by this story, yet, it's a warning to people who are like the elder son, and the decision is still laying in them.
heyhey greenspace :)
yeah the more i get to know myself in the context (light) of God's expectations, the more grossed out I am when I see how deep Pride marks me. good thing, we can also see how God makes us self-aware and helps us exorcise it day by day!
also, me thinks christ is addressing both sons in story: its interesting how his message of salvation is inclusive of both parties.
There is hope even for the Pharasee, rich man and elder sons of the world yet.
:)
Why look at the older brother as being somehow evil inside and look at him as being human? Who said that he wasn't joyfully working for his father prior to his brother's return? Who said that the brother had even known to want for a young goat to be given to him and his friends prior but that upon seeing the reception for his brother and knowing the hurt of the father prior, the older brother wasn't wondering why the father hadn't celebrated the older brother's steadfastness with the same joy as he did the younger's return?
The key to the older brother's story is in the father's response that "you are always with me, and everything I have is yours."
For those who can relate to the older brother, the challenge isn't to unharden our hearts to the love and riches given to others among us, but to open our hearts and recognize that love and those riches have been given to us as well. Here we are, fully surrounded by our father's love, and yet we wait, toiling in the fields, not accepting and enjoying the goodness around us!
What we seek isn't to deny others, but to no longer deny ourselves.
We learn in the story of Mary and Martha that Jesus tells us to enjoy and participate in life rather than always work. And we know that Jesus often went away from his people in order that he could reconnect with his father and then
return to do his work.
We aren't seeking to waste our inheritence on lewd behavoir. But what are the ways in which we can connect with our father's love and partake in the bounty of his creation on a daily basis?
Is there a meal that you've always wanted to
share in celebration with your friends and family? Is there a trip you've been dreaming of taking? Is there something you've been wanting to do but haven't because it seemed frivolous and didn't qualify as "working for the kingdom?"
Maybe with each of those things your father is actually calling you to share in the joy of his creation and to allow yourself to be renewed in his bounty so that you can then know and share this profound joy and love both with him and with others.
hey eileen, :)
wow, i have not gone on this blog for ages...and then i get an email alert from your comment being posted.
its amazing to revisit this entry i wrote 3 years ago and think of it in the light of all that has happened ever since.
The Elder Son was on my mind again during the last year and it was a year of great struggle for me to rejoice and be glad. But God has been extraordinarily gracious...and i have been getting message after message from him the whole of last year to just enjoy him, enjoy this life of blessings He has given me and know with full confidence that He enjoys me.
just wanted to share with you that your comment seems to be in line with all those messages i have been getting this year.
and indeed, my journey these past few months and at this very point in fact (!) has been one of just living the Mary life, leaving behind work for simple pleasures and i will...this thursday...be going for an extravagant "trip you've been dreaming of taking".
its been a wonderful year of learning to just enjoy life as God's Beloved and know that all that is God's is Mine. :)
thanks for sharing your comment, sister. :)
it was in line with my current season in life and was nice to revisit a past post again to see how far i have come. :)
neonangel
I cannot understand why the older son is not comforted at all for his feelings. The younger son only came back because he was hungry and destitute. He was in need and suffering. Of course he turned to his father, he had no where else to turn. Yet the older son, maintained his loyalty and stayed with the father. Maybe he wanted to wander and sow his oats too, but felt caring toward his father, and would not want to hurt him. But there is only monetary reward for that. It is not the real emotional love for the lost son.
hey suzanne:
thank you for leaving a message behind :)
again, i am amazed that this blog that i have left behind 3 years back got a comment!
"I cannot understand why the older son is not comforted at all for his feelings... But there is only monetary reward for that. It is not the real emotional love for the lost son."
i would like to assure you that the Father did indeed comfort the older son's feelings with real emotional love. I am sure of this from what I know of the Gospel in full. But more so because I am very much akin to the Older Son in the tale. When I hear those words "You are always with me and what is mine is yours" I feel the Father's passionate call to me not as a rebuke but as a firm reminder and a comforting assurance. i personally do not hear condemnation in those words...only sweetness.
First, we must remember that both sons had sinned against their Father. The older may not have sinned at first by choosing to be loyal and true to Dad despite the urgings of wild oats and all. But as he toiled, seeds of destructive envy and self-righteousness began to take root in his heart.
those bitter seeds only came to the surface when he was tested by the return of the Prodigal and the flabbergasting sight of the Prodigal receiving the love of the Father instead of being snubbed.
I think Jesus shared this parable as
a) a comfort to prodigals that God takes us as we are, even the worse of us, if we come in humility and complete need. He will never turn away because He is loving
b) a firm warning to Older Sons that they cannot be Pharisees and forbid God from loving the lost. Yet it is also a comfort to Older Sons that they must not forget their reward and joy has been that they were ALWAYS side by side with the father with abundance before them. if they forget it, they have condemed themselves and revealed their service to the Father as not born of true love and Sonship but of ambition and greed.
anyhow, i think Tim Keller says it much much much better and sweeter than I do. Suzanne, this parable strikes you to the heart as it does mine, i urge you to read Keller's book "The Prodigal Son" or listen to his free sermons on the same topic. i promise you its worth it. :)
http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/prodigal-sons
God bless you Suzanne with peace and deep joy,
neonangel :)
Any time I have brought this up in the past, or read commentaries about this, the older brother is given the proverbial shaft.
I've heard people dismiss his comments as exaggeration of his circumstances ("not even a goat! Really!") but there's nothing in the telling of the story to indicate that the elder son wasn't being anything other than truthful about his circumstances. Why are his feelings marginalized? Why are they relegated to the category "Pride"? He was doing what he thought was the right thing, what he probably had been told was the right thing, and now he was staring contradiction right in the face.
(BTW.There is nothing in the narrative to say that he wasn't glad his brother was safe and sound, either.)
The elder brother's beef seems to be with his father and the perceived lack of appreciation for him. I think it's a legitimate set of questions to put to the father.
Why wasn't the elder son given acknowledgement for doing the right thing, at least, without him having to ask for it? A counter-argument could be made against the father for taking his elder son for granted. Also, why wasn't he told about the prodigal son's return right away? He was left in the field to work while all this celebrating was going on.
I just think the "Pride" argument is thrown out too easily as a way of not addressing the more complex issue of the relationship between the father and the elder son.
hi andyP
Thanks for commenting. :)
wow, its been 5 years since i wrote this entry in 2006.
before i comment, you could save yourself from reading this and listen to tim keller's really insightful compelling and sensitive interpretation of the parable.
http://sermons.redeemer.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&Product_ID=18232
http://jeffgoins.myadventures.org/?filename=tim-keller-prodigal-god
I think the first thing we have to accept about parables is that they set the parameters of the story. There is only so far we can go to extrapolate and read between the lines. we dont really know the back history of the relationship between father and sons because that is not mentioned - and probably not the point that the parable teller wanted to make.
the essential issue the parable brought up was the responses of the sons and the responses of the father.
I'll speak from the POV of someone who used to operate from a very elder mentality. :)
I think both sons deserve sympathy and both sons provoke empathy depending on which side of the fence you veer more from.
Both the parable's point is that both sons had something crucial to fix about their relationship with their father who obviously loved them and provided generously for everything they needed. the younger son's problem was he did not trust his dad and believed there was better out there. the elder son's problem was he did not trust his dad and believed that his dad was holding out on him still. Both sons were guilty of pride and arrogant in their own ways.
I do understand the feelings you were raising up about the elder son - the questions are legit, who's to say im not happy for my prodigal brother, this is about you and me God! etc etc. I definitely heard some of those questions within me.
the interesting thing about the parable is how the father actually went out to plead with the older brother when he got angry and refused to go in for the party.
the father actually goes out to rescue the older brother just as much as he had to go out to rescue the younger one.
the younger refused to come in to the party because of guilt. the older refused to come in the the party because of self-righteousness.
the older brother also reveals his true heart when he answers "Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends."
He never saw the work he did in his father's house as something done out of love or loyalty. he saw it as slavery...and slavery for the hope of a payout.
now the father when hearing the true heart could have kicked him out but he did not. instead, he still loved his son and just told him
“‘My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours."
I could genuinely rejoice for the blessings God was choosing to give my more "prodigal" brothers and sisters in church when I committed to remembering and believing that line.
I dont know if that clarifies. if it doesn't, listen to the Keller sermon. he explains way better than me.
but take it from a former elder brother, it's the truth. and im glad the parable was spoken to free me from self-righteousness and allow me to love the prodigal and desire their welfare as God does. ;)
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