I finished work at 11pm tonight. I kind of like working late at my office - when nobody is around on my floor, I gamely leave the glass door open and play my CDs loud as I please. As I cleared up papers here and there and prepared to lock up and leave, I found myself looking out again towards the new National Library, which was also in the process of closing up for the night. My office is directly opposite the LIbrary - I get a pretty good view of the people walking around the upper floors.
I feel some kind of kinship with the new library. 3 years ago, when we first moved School of Thought into this building, the library was nothing but a gigantic brown construction site, all boarded up and enclosed. From the street level, you could not tell the mess that was going on inside. From my sixth floor perch, I could see everything within. As I slowly found my feet building the school, I found myself spending many a late night alone, looking out at the construction site.
For months, it seemed like nothing was happening. Nothing obvious at least. In architecture, you learn that the foundational work takes the longest. It takes months to analyse the soil condition, test the loading it can take, decide on the best piling system to use. For months, while I worked, so did a whole army of construction workers, industriously digging away, sinking pile after pile in what seemed like unending labour.
There was some kind of comfort in staring over all that foundational work. I felt the parallel in my own life: I was building a school, making sure all the foundations were right, trying not to do anything wrong, fretting about making mistakes, wondering about it's place in my walk with God.
Lying beyond the library site is an old church. There were many nights where I would stand at the window, staring at the cross on its steeple and feeling somehow comforted that it was there - watching over the construction work, watching over me, watching over my school. I would press my hand to the glass and pray out of sheer need. I gave the school and myself over to Him. I prayed for guidance, for comfort, for confidence. I would thank God for keeping the school going despite my lack of experience, despite my lack of anal managerial skill or razor-sharp business acumen. I would pray for fear to go away. I would pray and pray for a sign to show me what this was all about. I would tell God to take everything and shape it into whatever form He wanted for I truly felt lost so many times. I only knew how to deal with things day by day, with nothing more than hope in His wisdom. I wanted so many times to be lazy, to be half-hearted, to be irreponsible.
So tonight, as I looked out at the library in its pristine, whiteness, glowing peacefully in the night. I thought of how far it had come from its muddy beginnings - without structure, without foundation, without any thing that might hint at its beautiful future except for a bunch of blueprints conceived by some architect. Faithfully, construction workers trusted in that blueprint, trusted in that architect and just built their hearts out. Somehow the small work that was done each day added up.
I remember once the foundations were laid, the superstructure of the Library went up so fast I was astonished. I remember coming to work one day and being really shocked to see the first few columns soaring triumphantly from the ground. From there, the next few months was BAMBAMBAMBAM - column, floor, panelling, cladding. The speed was amazing. The heights the building reached was astonishing. For months, I could not grasp the scale of the building that was evolving before me with such blase ease.
When I look at the library, I see a metaphor of my work in the school. It comforts me.
I trust someday I will see the true form it will take on, far from its muddy beginnings, far from the capabilities of the singular construction worker.
Thank you God for being my visionary. I owe you too much to conceive.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Neonangel: Girl Genius
Reading a line from some random blog about "This is your life - are you where you should be?"
made me recall some seriously off-tangent careers I have contemplated half-seriously somewhere in my short life. Delusion can be a powerful thing.
TOP 3 WOEBEGONE CAREERS THE WORLD IS GLAD I NEVER TOOK UP:
1. Fashion Designer
At the height of primary school, I was the creme de la creme of the paper doll making world. I actually bought a USBOURNE book about entering the fashion industry. At Pri 5, I designed a hideous pink dress with oh so hip cut-out shoulders inspired by Psylocke's costume from the X-Men. Entered it in a competition that obviously nobody else participated in. The monstrosity got sewn and I made my friend wear it and model it. I am evil. It was that ugly. I also attempted a few *koff* cutting-edge looks in my teenage years - day-glo socks, cut-outs in my pants, scrawling "hip!" on my tee-shirt in glitter paint, peace signs, and worse - wore headbands for 2 years straight like I was a hippie, oh horrors horror upon horrors. I have an awful photo somewhere of me attempting to copy Debbie GIbson's look circa Electric Youth. You would think the mirror would have been nice and just broke the news to me that I was not looking remotely cool. :)
2. Broadway singer / musical playwright genius
early Secondary school - I contemplated being not just any Broadway singer...I wanted to play Jean Valjean. Yup you got that right. Who cares if I was female, chinese and not that great a singer to boot. I had a grand time memorising all his lines. Don't even ask about the CRAP musicals I supposedly wrote. They were basically ripoffs from stuff I heard but padded with new CRAP lyrics and some pretty lousy plots. Oh yes, every musical I "wrote" involved war, unrequited love and many people dying dramatically on stage. I have an inner drama queen. She is evil.
3. Superhero Comic creator
I proudly co-created an X-men offshoot called "Class X" together with a fellow nerd in RGS. We were so darn proud of our creation we actually showed it to our vice principal. "Class X" shockingly made it to 3 issues - and it was so cutting-edge that it had every conceivable stereotype and archetype in them. I lost the first 2 issues and today, evidence of Class X's existence lies buried under my bed in the form of "Issue 3 - Attack On the Mansion!"
There is a reaaaaaalllllllllly brilliant sequence in there of a hacker who manages to encrypt so much information that the computer blows apart a room. Wow. Talk about logic.
"Class X" was thinly disguised teenage fantasy - the heroines of the team were of course alter-egos of me and my friend. It was an excuse to invent cute alter-ego boyfriends. If this was Nerds Anonymous, I would confess my codename was Spitfire, I had the funky power to manipulate molecular structures and I had the coolest boyfriend ever. He was Gamer - the team leader who managed to trick aforementioned hacker into blowing apart the room. My friend only dated the team strong man, some Greek hunk. I picked personality and brains over money and brawn even back then okay. Don't play play.
Sigh. I am such a nerd.
Cut me and I bleed pure, unadulterated nerd.
See it's a very good thing that i ended up a teacher. The world is safe from day-glo cut-out fashion collections.
made me recall some seriously off-tangent careers I have contemplated half-seriously somewhere in my short life. Delusion can be a powerful thing.
TOP 3 WOEBEGONE CAREERS THE WORLD IS GLAD I NEVER TOOK UP:
1. Fashion Designer
At the height of primary school, I was the creme de la creme of the paper doll making world. I actually bought a USBOURNE book about entering the fashion industry. At Pri 5, I designed a hideous pink dress with oh so hip cut-out shoulders inspired by Psylocke's costume from the X-Men. Entered it in a competition that obviously nobody else participated in. The monstrosity got sewn and I made my friend wear it and model it. I am evil. It was that ugly. I also attempted a few *koff* cutting-edge looks in my teenage years - day-glo socks, cut-outs in my pants, scrawling "hip!" on my tee-shirt in glitter paint, peace signs, and worse - wore headbands for 2 years straight like I was a hippie, oh horrors horror upon horrors. I have an awful photo somewhere of me attempting to copy Debbie GIbson's look circa Electric Youth. You would think the mirror would have been nice and just broke the news to me that I was not looking remotely cool. :)
2. Broadway singer / musical playwright genius
early Secondary school - I contemplated being not just any Broadway singer...I wanted to play Jean Valjean. Yup you got that right. Who cares if I was female, chinese and not that great a singer to boot. I had a grand time memorising all his lines. Don't even ask about the CRAP musicals I supposedly wrote. They were basically ripoffs from stuff I heard but padded with new CRAP lyrics and some pretty lousy plots. Oh yes, every musical I "wrote" involved war, unrequited love and many people dying dramatically on stage. I have an inner drama queen. She is evil.
3. Superhero Comic creator
I proudly co-created an X-men offshoot called "Class X" together with a fellow nerd in RGS. We were so darn proud of our creation we actually showed it to our vice principal. "Class X" shockingly made it to 3 issues - and it was so cutting-edge that it had every conceivable stereotype and archetype in them. I lost the first 2 issues and today, evidence of Class X's existence lies buried under my bed in the form of "Issue 3 - Attack On the Mansion!"
There is a reaaaaaalllllllllly brilliant sequence in there of a hacker who manages to encrypt so much information that the computer blows apart a room. Wow. Talk about logic.
"Class X" was thinly disguised teenage fantasy - the heroines of the team were of course alter-egos of me and my friend. It was an excuse to invent cute alter-ego boyfriends. If this was Nerds Anonymous, I would confess my codename was Spitfire, I had the funky power to manipulate molecular structures and I had the coolest boyfriend ever. He was Gamer - the team leader who managed to trick aforementioned hacker into blowing apart the room. My friend only dated the team strong man, some Greek hunk. I picked personality and brains over money and brawn even back then okay. Don't play play.
Sigh. I am such a nerd.
Cut me and I bleed pure, unadulterated nerd.
See it's a very good thing that i ended up a teacher. The world is safe from day-glo cut-out fashion collections.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Harry Goes To War
finished Half-Blood Prince a week ago...definitely better than Order Of the Phoenix in terms of plot control. One more book to go....probably have to wait 2 more years. At least, in October I can look forward to Mark Millar's Ultimates 2 and George Martin's Feast of Crows!!!!! Wah lau, wait so long....
Liked:
-Tonks and Lupin. I have a soft spot for a suffering side-hero getting the girl. :)
- Snape, Voldemort and Draco's character evolution. The baddies are finally getting some 3 dimensional treatment
-a more mature Harry. Thank goodness he stopped SHOUTING.
Disliked:
- well....apart from stylistic problems I have with Rowling's type of writing....I generally enjoyed the book. Good, quick, trashy read that did not make me roll eyes...unlike *koff* Dan Brown.
Liked:
-Tonks and Lupin. I have a soft spot for a suffering side-hero getting the girl. :)
- Snape, Voldemort and Draco's character evolution. The baddies are finally getting some 3 dimensional treatment
-a more mature Harry. Thank goodness he stopped SHOUTING.
Disliked:
- well....apart from stylistic problems I have with Rowling's type of writing....I generally enjoyed the book. Good, quick, trashy read that did not make me roll eyes...unlike *koff* Dan Brown.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
a beautiful mind
2 weeks ago, I met M for the first time over coffee - we were hooked up by a mutual contact who felt we had to meet due to how similar our interests and agendas were regarding youth outreach. I was looking for a contact to bounce of my CIvics Education idea. M apparently was the "rainmaker" to talk to.
Anyhow, M turned out to be pretty much my kind of girl - gregarious, doped up on enthusiasm and talking in that kind of vocabulary only network-mindmap-abstract-thinking people use. She was also a proud, happy Christian. All that added up to a really cool breakfast meeting where we exchanged some sketchy ideas about radical, bold, alternative Christian outreach. Straight after we prayed together to end our breakfast, she started jotting down names on a little Post It.
See, M thinks in connections, amazing spiderweb-type thought processes. She makes immediate, mental links between people and causes that she knows. So straight off the bat, she was listing down every Christian that she knew who might be remotely keen on the stuff we were talking about and was already involved in some kinda cutting-edge independent ministry of their own. "We really should all meet just to see what can come out from a collective conversation of like-minded people." M declared, "You free for dinner in 2 weeks, Thursday?"
FAAST FORWARD to this past Thursday night, at the Book Cafe, I met a breathtakingly dynamic group of Christians who were natural social activists at heart, if not in name. I was struck by how all of us spoke in the same lingo and vocab of network-mindmap-abstract thinking. Usually when asked to explain my raw ideas to people, I have to work at trying to rephrase, quantify and simplify my thoughts into something that sounds workable and coherent. But in this crowd, people got it in a snap. Phwoar. That was cool! M really knew how to put like minds with like minds.
It was amazing how much energy these people put into their words, their passion for their ideas and the verve and conviction was so visible. The opening ice-breaker round of introductions was a simple, spontaneous "Hey let's take out interesting stuff from our bags to introduce ourselves". The table instantly filled with a collection of truly funky stuff - a UN Report, Henri Nouwen's Wounded Healer, a book on evangelising to the Postmoderns, a syringe-pen bought from CanTeen(an NGO for teens with cancer), postcards for 'Text In The City' creative writing competition etc. It was pretty telling of the crowd. Thankfully, I was currently reading some book on PAP Politics and another theological book instead of some trashy girly magazine. haha. Otherwise, it would be a pretty sad display on my part. :P
The group comprised of: (I will go by professions cos it is telling of what were their main skillsets)
1. The Architect
- funky dude who runs a non-denominational cell group for anyone with questions for Christians; a ministry for creative types, artists, theatre people etc.
2. The Suit
-cool gal who does branding, corporate strategy and ministered to families
3. The Missionary
- had left a high flying banking job to find her missionary future. just did Borneo, Acheh. Going to teach Burmese English in Malaysia. And in a few months, heading to LAS VEGAS for missions.(of all places!)
4. The Rainmaker - "M"
- consultant on various boards for various arts, youth, community activism; attached to UN Women's group; thinking of running a company encouraging business ethics
5. The Dreamer
- consultant on many of the same projects as M. Started Dream Factory, a group that assisted the realisation of young people's dreams and hopes
6. The Artiste
- theatre practioner with a ministry of using drama as a communication tool; currently a project creator at a local organisation that supported international community building.
7. The Teacher
-that would be me.
I thought it was cool...we were kinda like a mini Christian G7, debating about how to deal ideally and practically with pressing international issues. We concluded the night's fruitful sharing and super encouraging discussion with a good prayer.
It was really edifying to find a kind of collective Mind in this group, that was hard at work at putting their God-given Intellect for God-given purposes. We joked about how we could form a bizzare kind of Christian Thought Collective - a collective mind that worked to create methodologies, technologies, processes, and programmes for the use of the Church in these turbulent postmodern times.
You know what...I think it might actually happen. Wow. God works amazing stuff in people.
Just when you thought Singapore could not get cooler, it just did. Who would have known such dynamic, doped up on intellectual pursuit and high on enthusiasm types were just around the corner? There is much much hope for the Church to come :)
Anyhow, M turned out to be pretty much my kind of girl - gregarious, doped up on enthusiasm and talking in that kind of vocabulary only network-mindmap-abstract-thinking people use. She was also a proud, happy Christian. All that added up to a really cool breakfast meeting where we exchanged some sketchy ideas about radical, bold, alternative Christian outreach. Straight after we prayed together to end our breakfast, she started jotting down names on a little Post It.
See, M thinks in connections, amazing spiderweb-type thought processes. She makes immediate, mental links between people and causes that she knows. So straight off the bat, she was listing down every Christian that she knew who might be remotely keen on the stuff we were talking about and was already involved in some kinda cutting-edge independent ministry of their own. "We really should all meet just to see what can come out from a collective conversation of like-minded people." M declared, "You free for dinner in 2 weeks, Thursday?"
FAAST FORWARD to this past Thursday night, at the Book Cafe, I met a breathtakingly dynamic group of Christians who were natural social activists at heart, if not in name. I was struck by how all of us spoke in the same lingo and vocab of network-mindmap-abstract thinking. Usually when asked to explain my raw ideas to people, I have to work at trying to rephrase, quantify and simplify my thoughts into something that sounds workable and coherent. But in this crowd, people got it in a snap. Phwoar. That was cool! M really knew how to put like minds with like minds.
It was amazing how much energy these people put into their words, their passion for their ideas and the verve and conviction was so visible. The opening ice-breaker round of introductions was a simple, spontaneous "Hey let's take out interesting stuff from our bags to introduce ourselves". The table instantly filled with a collection of truly funky stuff - a UN Report, Henri Nouwen's Wounded Healer, a book on evangelising to the Postmoderns, a syringe-pen bought from CanTeen(an NGO for teens with cancer), postcards for 'Text In The City' creative writing competition etc. It was pretty telling of the crowd. Thankfully, I was currently reading some book on PAP Politics and another theological book instead of some trashy girly magazine. haha. Otherwise, it would be a pretty sad display on my part. :P
The group comprised of: (I will go by professions cos it is telling of what were their main skillsets)
1. The Architect
- funky dude who runs a non-denominational cell group for anyone with questions for Christians; a ministry for creative types, artists, theatre people etc.
2. The Suit
-cool gal who does branding, corporate strategy and ministered to families
3. The Missionary
- had left a high flying banking job to find her missionary future. just did Borneo, Acheh. Going to teach Burmese English in Malaysia. And in a few months, heading to LAS VEGAS for missions.(of all places!)
4. The Rainmaker - "M"
- consultant on various boards for various arts, youth, community activism; attached to UN Women's group; thinking of running a company encouraging business ethics
5. The Dreamer
- consultant on many of the same projects as M. Started Dream Factory, a group that assisted the realisation of young people's dreams and hopes
6. The Artiste
- theatre practioner with a ministry of using drama as a communication tool; currently a project creator at a local organisation that supported international community building.
7. The Teacher
-that would be me.
I thought it was cool...we were kinda like a mini Christian G7, debating about how to deal ideally and practically with pressing international issues. We concluded the night's fruitful sharing and super encouraging discussion with a good prayer.
It was really edifying to find a kind of collective Mind in this group, that was hard at work at putting their God-given Intellect for God-given purposes. We joked about how we could form a bizzare kind of Christian Thought Collective - a collective mind that worked to create methodologies, technologies, processes, and programmes for the use of the Church in these turbulent postmodern times.
You know what...I think it might actually happen. Wow. God works amazing stuff in people.
Just when you thought Singapore could not get cooler, it just did. Who would have known such dynamic, doped up on intellectual pursuit and high on enthusiasm types were just around the corner? There is much much hope for the Church to come :)
Thursday, July 21, 2005
sin city - postscript on heroes and antiheroes
postscript to thoughts on heroes and antiheroes:
just got back from watching Robert "From Dusk Till Dawn" Roduiguez's take on Sin City. I remembered first coming across Frank Miller's graphic novels when I was in secondary school.
I remembered skimming through the cannibal sequence at 15 and finding it gruesome enough for me to try and blank it out from my head. I like his eye for black-and-white ink art but well...let's say watching the movie reminded me again of why I blanked out so much of his plots in the first place.
Much as I admired his linework, I could never bring myself to buy a copy of Sin CIty to keep. I just never pictured myself re-reading his stuff again and again. I do own Miller's Batman classic The Dark Knight Returns - that was great story-telling. If you loved Batman Begins, much of it was inspired by that and Miller's other Batman classic, Year One.
Back to Sin CIty and why I don't own a copy: It's not so much the over-the-top sex and violence thing but more because I found the whole macho-man-rescuing-tough-oversexed-dames thing a little trite after a while. His villains were the stuff of stereotypes at heart - the crooked politician, the sanctimonious hypocritical religious figures. His antiheroes and antiheroines were always these bizarre cariacatures, living a caricature of a life. It was like he deliberately pushed the mark of film noir to its extremes, just to see how ridiculous he could get. His anti heroes and antiheroines are a smudge away from absolute villainy.
Miller was my first encounter with graphic novellists that "push the boundaries" through flagrant depictions of sexuality and over-the-top violence. Warren Ellis, Grant Morrison and to a certain extent early Neil Gaiman did it too. In the comics world, these writers and artists are regarded as a heroes for doing so. Their works are hailed as "brave" and "cutting edge".
I would rather heap those accolades on graphic novellists like Joe Sacco, Art Spiegelman or Craig Thompson frankly. Sacco's graphic novels drawn directly from the battlegrounds of Palestine, Bosnia and Afghanistan are brave in every sense. Not only do they boldly speak what no politician dares to speak about, they are documented straight from the mouths of the victims - all information collected at great mortal risk by Sacco himself.
Thompson and Spiegelman's bravery is of a different sort. Thompson's Blankets and Spiegelman's Maus are autobiographies - attempts to courageously capture their most fragile and painful memories in pen and ink for others to connect with.
Sin City is a movie that deserves to be watched solely for being the most successful translation of graphic art to screen to date. The use of lines, angles,shadow and light was truly watershed-stuff in the 80s. But as for the rest of the movie, it's hardly cutting edge or brave stuff. There are one or two inspired moments of dark humour but overall, I think even Miller would admit hat he himself has written far better stories.
just got back from watching Robert "From Dusk Till Dawn" Roduiguez's take on Sin City. I remembered first coming across Frank Miller's graphic novels when I was in secondary school.
I remembered skimming through the cannibal sequence at 15 and finding it gruesome enough for me to try and blank it out from my head. I like his eye for black-and-white ink art but well...let's say watching the movie reminded me again of why I blanked out so much of his plots in the first place.
Much as I admired his linework, I could never bring myself to buy a copy of Sin CIty to keep. I just never pictured myself re-reading his stuff again and again. I do own Miller's Batman classic The Dark Knight Returns - that was great story-telling. If you loved Batman Begins, much of it was inspired by that and Miller's other Batman classic, Year One.
Back to Sin CIty and why I don't own a copy: It's not so much the over-the-top sex and violence thing but more because I found the whole macho-man-rescuing-tough-oversexed-dames thing a little trite after a while. His villains were the stuff of stereotypes at heart - the crooked politician, the sanctimonious hypocritical religious figures. His antiheroes and antiheroines were always these bizarre cariacatures, living a caricature of a life. It was like he deliberately pushed the mark of film noir to its extremes, just to see how ridiculous he could get. His anti heroes and antiheroines are a smudge away from absolute villainy.
Miller was my first encounter with graphic novellists that "push the boundaries" through flagrant depictions of sexuality and over-the-top violence. Warren Ellis, Grant Morrison and to a certain extent early Neil Gaiman did it too. In the comics world, these writers and artists are regarded as a heroes for doing so. Their works are hailed as "brave" and "cutting edge".
I would rather heap those accolades on graphic novellists like Joe Sacco, Art Spiegelman or Craig Thompson frankly. Sacco's graphic novels drawn directly from the battlegrounds of Palestine, Bosnia and Afghanistan are brave in every sense. Not only do they boldly speak what no politician dares to speak about, they are documented straight from the mouths of the victims - all information collected at great mortal risk by Sacco himself.
Thompson and Spiegelman's bravery is of a different sort. Thompson's Blankets and Spiegelman's Maus are autobiographies - attempts to courageously capture their most fragile and painful memories in pen and ink for others to connect with.
Sin City is a movie that deserves to be watched solely for being the most successful translation of graphic art to screen to date. The use of lines, angles,shadow and light was truly watershed-stuff in the 80s. But as for the rest of the movie, it's hardly cutting edge or brave stuff. There are one or two inspired moments of dark humour but overall, I think even Miller would admit hat he himself has written far better stories.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Holding Out for a Hero
The blogosphere is ablaze with debate over the actions of two of their most high profile bloggerati.
At a recent convention, a controversial female blogger bared her breasts in public to take photos with another popular male blogger. 2 other popular female bloggers, XX and MS took offence, wrote about it, and subsequently faced a slew of ugly condemnations. Basically, people were going on about how cool and brave the flasher was and "who are you to judge any way, you **** "
what struck me was what XX wrote:
"... Flashing your breasts wouldn't make you a unique, or as so many idiots described, BRAVE (I find it so ludicrous I almost cried. In the past, bravery is when you fight dragons. Nowadays, you just flash a boob and you are so F***ING brave) person..."
Sad but true. It's really telling what deeds get associated with bravery and heroism in our modern culture.
Many kids i teach today have no clue who Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Sun Yet Sen, Doctors Without Borders are.
We have forgotten to teach children that courage and heroism is sometimes founded upon quiet, dignified decisions of integrity, responsibility and righteousness.
Small decisions made by simple people can turn the whole world around as demonstrated by all the above examples. Small, simple decisions made with the right values have the power to generate tangible solutions the world needs.
We cannot allow heroism to be primarily associated with bigness, fortune, daredevilishness, glitz and grand gestures. There are kids who think Hitler, Stalin and Mao as a heroes because they were "cool" and "powerful".
This is not a far stretch for a culture that champions anyone who simply "dares to be different" and "pushes the boundaries of society" - never you mind whether "different" is in itself a good thing, or whether certain boundaries in society are worth keeping.
What is true heroism then? Dr Michael Pucci in his essay "Heroes and Anti-Heroes" put it better than I could:
".....But everyone knows superpowers alone do not make the hero. Any comic book kid will tell you that superpowers can also make a villain. I have never heard a better expression of this error of thought than a line from the young Lex Luthor in the Superman series, Smallville. "I don't want to do good things," he says, "I want to do great things." That subtle tradeoff of goodness for greatness is the slippery slope......
....What we need are more small heroes who do good. We forget that it doesn't take much to be a hero these days. Just doing the right thing, makes you shine like a light in the dark and bite like salt on the tongue. Just being faithful to your spouse, to your word in your dealings, makes you stand out more than a man in a stretch suit and cape.
And forget power. It requires no more superpowers than that of a humble hotel owner to carve a bright ray of hope in the wicked darkness of genocide. The hero of the events captured in the film "Hotel Rwanda" was most shocked by the fact that everyone all over the country was not doing the same thing he was, harboring people in anyway they could against the slaughter. His heroism was to him very ordinary, and so it should be. "
(the rest of the article about heroism
can be found in http://www.vantagepoint.com.sg/crossroads.html)
At a recent convention, a controversial female blogger bared her breasts in public to take photos with another popular male blogger. 2 other popular female bloggers, XX and MS took offence, wrote about it, and subsequently faced a slew of ugly condemnations. Basically, people were going on about how cool and brave the flasher was and "who are you to judge any way, you **** "
what struck me was what XX wrote:
"... Flashing your breasts wouldn't make you a unique, or as so many idiots described, BRAVE (I find it so ludicrous I almost cried. In the past, bravery is when you fight dragons. Nowadays, you just flash a boob and you are so F***ING brave) person..."
Sad but true. It's really telling what deeds get associated with bravery and heroism in our modern culture.
Many kids i teach today have no clue who Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Sun Yet Sen, Doctors Without Borders are.
We have forgotten to teach children that courage and heroism is sometimes founded upon quiet, dignified decisions of integrity, responsibility and righteousness.
Small decisions made by simple people can turn the whole world around as demonstrated by all the above examples. Small, simple decisions made with the right values have the power to generate tangible solutions the world needs.
We cannot allow heroism to be primarily associated with bigness, fortune, daredevilishness, glitz and grand gestures. There are kids who think Hitler, Stalin and Mao as a heroes because they were "cool" and "powerful".
This is not a far stretch for a culture that champions anyone who simply "dares to be different" and "pushes the boundaries of society" - never you mind whether "different" is in itself a good thing, or whether certain boundaries in society are worth keeping.
What is true heroism then? Dr Michael Pucci in his essay "Heroes and Anti-Heroes" put it better than I could:
".....But everyone knows superpowers alone do not make the hero. Any comic book kid will tell you that superpowers can also make a villain. I have never heard a better expression of this error of thought than a line from the young Lex Luthor in the Superman series, Smallville. "I don't want to do good things," he says, "I want to do great things." That subtle tradeoff of goodness for greatness is the slippery slope......
....What we need are more small heroes who do good. We forget that it doesn't take much to be a hero these days. Just doing the right thing, makes you shine like a light in the dark and bite like salt on the tongue. Just being faithful to your spouse, to your word in your dealings, makes you stand out more than a man in a stretch suit and cape.
And forget power. It requires no more superpowers than that of a humble hotel owner to carve a bright ray of hope in the wicked darkness of genocide. The hero of the events captured in the film "Hotel Rwanda" was most shocked by the fact that everyone all over the country was not doing the same thing he was, harboring people in anyway they could against the slaughter. His heroism was to him very ordinary, and so it should be. "
(the rest of the article about heroism
can be found in http://www.vantagepoint.com.sg/crossroads.html)
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Snobs R' Us
ARPC is a great church - I stay in it because I think it has humble leadership. a pretty genuine community of earnest believers, a constant desire to walk the straight and narrow. I am glad too that we have a head pastor who has stated numerous times that we need to make sure we do not get too cocky about the progress of our church. I stay in this church because he has plainly stated that the moment he and the leadership start going down questionable paths, the congregation should not hesitate to leave.
Like him, I understand and fear that the greatest danger of being in a "good, Bible-teaching, godly" church is when you get too caught up in your own glamour of being a "good, Bible-teaching, godly" Christian.
Snobbery (aka Pride) is a sneaky thing - it creeps up in your words and actions insidiously. Dismissive words come just a little too quickly to the tongue, what started as opinions spiral slowly into diatribes and rants, labels start replacing names and faces. We can get snobbish over "Christians who just don't get it" and before we know it, we have adopted the "Holier Than Thou" attitude so many of us hate.
I speak as one who knows the Dark Side. (cue: heavy Darth breathing). I know I am not a nice person. I know I have ugly things to say. I try hard to keep it in check and mince my words into finer things. While some may think it self-censorship, I prefer to see it as self-control. Sometimes I am successful sometimes I am not. It's really quite scary to spend a day watching and weighing out what comes out from one's mouth. Try it and you have a profound new respect for the BIble's warnings about how the little rudder of a tongue can steer one's whole life into nasty little directions if one is not careful. Extraordinary things can tumble out of that wretched little tongue of ours that we wish we could retract.
Over the weekend, FunkyMonkey mentioned that it was very disheartening to hear Christians complain. How can a Christian bow his or her head in grace and say "Thanks for the food, Lord and everything you have blessed us with" and yet follow that up with complaints about the quality of food served? Or the quality of the hotel rooms during a church camp? Music ministries across different churches tussle constantly with the desire to play beautiful, professional standard music and coping with voluntary musicians who offer much heart but little talent. How do you cope with Christians who voice out complaints about fellow Christians in church? Do Christians have a right to criticise each other's quality or type of ministries?
We cannot and should not blanket ban critique. There is a time and place for a well-timed word of truth. Critique definitely helps us perfect our tasks. It may also help us take a more careful look at our selves and what we are doing. There is a time and place for a well weighed out, fairly balanced word - as long as that word is delivered with the focus on building up not just a "ministry" but to build up a "person".
There in lies the problem - Building up ministries is easier, I think, relative to building up a person. Theoretically, you can perform a music piece, run a Youth group, answer theological questions to perfection of the Nth degree as long as you plough in the requisite hours. That's if we look at these ministries at a purely "task" level. If we look at ministries as what they are meant to be - a building up of human hearts, minds and strengths for God's purposes - then we witness a far harder task.
Human beings are tricky tricky things. They need to be handled with finesse, sensitivity, caution, gentleness, kindness, firmness, justice......so many many many factors. Not to mention the crappy fact that you yourself are one of these tricky tricky human beings!
Jesus summed it up best by telling us simply to 'Love our neighbour as ourselves". Love is a very heavy word. It is weighed down by the tyranny of expectations, the fraglity of hopes and the yearning for fairness. Worse. we are expected to be this careful about the way we love with all people - the ones we gravitate to and the ones we rather not deal with.
Till this day, I have come across two guiding principles which have helped me in my tenuous walk towards a kinder, more godly, more grown-up faith.
one: Love + Justice
Through out the Bible, the themes of Truthful Justice and Love run parallel. In a way, they are symbiotic creatures. You cannot have one without the other. Both give each other meaning. Justice without Love is a monstrous, cold creature that upholds rules and regulations to the point of injustice. Love without Justice is ignorant folly, hand-holding people down a path to hell strewn with pretty lies. Somehow in our daily walks we have to balance out both in all that we do.
two: Ba Ba Black Sheep
Mike Raiter once shared this story when asked what he would do when Christians disagree with Christians. A family wanted to sing together at a church camp. The 16 year old wanted to do jazzy Hillsongs type songs. The parents wanted good, old-fashioned hymns. The 3 year old wanted Ba Ba Black Sheep. The whole family ended up singing Ba Ba Black Sheep even though it was below their capabilities. But they picked that song because it was the one song they could sing together for now.
Should the family continue singing BaBa in every church camp? Of course not...with each year and with the family's help, the 3 year old would have advanced on to more complicated tunes, expanding the repertoire of what the whole family could sing together. The constant theme though was that They Wanted to Sing Together As Long As They Possibly Could. A church should prize unity among the body.
These have been encouraging principles for me to keep in mind. Encourage...what a word...it means to put courage into someone. We seldom stop to think of why the word encourage is written the way it is. We need to put strength and courage into each other more often. By doing so, we tell them, what you believe in about God's ways....is worth it...and it works. The Christian walk is hard enough without your fellow racers taking the wind out of your sails.
A well-placed word, a timely compliment sincerely offered can sometimes cement a ministry, build a church far more profoundly than a dozen chastisements. Sometimes it may be worth it to swallow down words of criticism for another day, another time or after one has put a lot more thought into reshaping those words in more edifiying form.
Like him, I understand and fear that the greatest danger of being in a "good, Bible-teaching, godly" church is when you get too caught up in your own glamour of being a "good, Bible-teaching, godly" Christian.
Snobbery (aka Pride) is a sneaky thing - it creeps up in your words and actions insidiously. Dismissive words come just a little too quickly to the tongue, what started as opinions spiral slowly into diatribes and rants, labels start replacing names and faces. We can get snobbish over "Christians who just don't get it" and before we know it, we have adopted the "Holier Than Thou" attitude so many of us hate.
I speak as one who knows the Dark Side. (cue: heavy Darth breathing). I know I am not a nice person. I know I have ugly things to say. I try hard to keep it in check and mince my words into finer things. While some may think it self-censorship, I prefer to see it as self-control. Sometimes I am successful sometimes I am not. It's really quite scary to spend a day watching and weighing out what comes out from one's mouth. Try it and you have a profound new respect for the BIble's warnings about how the little rudder of a tongue can steer one's whole life into nasty little directions if one is not careful. Extraordinary things can tumble out of that wretched little tongue of ours that we wish we could retract.
Over the weekend, FunkyMonkey mentioned that it was very disheartening to hear Christians complain. How can a Christian bow his or her head in grace and say "Thanks for the food, Lord and everything you have blessed us with" and yet follow that up with complaints about the quality of food served? Or the quality of the hotel rooms during a church camp? Music ministries across different churches tussle constantly with the desire to play beautiful, professional standard music and coping with voluntary musicians who offer much heart but little talent. How do you cope with Christians who voice out complaints about fellow Christians in church? Do Christians have a right to criticise each other's quality or type of ministries?
We cannot and should not blanket ban critique. There is a time and place for a well-timed word of truth. Critique definitely helps us perfect our tasks. It may also help us take a more careful look at our selves and what we are doing. There is a time and place for a well weighed out, fairly balanced word - as long as that word is delivered with the focus on building up not just a "ministry" but to build up a "person".
There in lies the problem - Building up ministries is easier, I think, relative to building up a person. Theoretically, you can perform a music piece, run a Youth group, answer theological questions to perfection of the Nth degree as long as you plough in the requisite hours. That's if we look at these ministries at a purely "task" level. If we look at ministries as what they are meant to be - a building up of human hearts, minds and strengths for God's purposes - then we witness a far harder task.
Human beings are tricky tricky things. They need to be handled with finesse, sensitivity, caution, gentleness, kindness, firmness, justice......so many many many factors. Not to mention the crappy fact that you yourself are one of these tricky tricky human beings!
Jesus summed it up best by telling us simply to 'Love our neighbour as ourselves". Love is a very heavy word. It is weighed down by the tyranny of expectations, the fraglity of hopes and the yearning for fairness. Worse. we are expected to be this careful about the way we love with all people - the ones we gravitate to and the ones we rather not deal with.
Till this day, I have come across two guiding principles which have helped me in my tenuous walk towards a kinder, more godly, more grown-up faith.
one: Love + Justice
Through out the Bible, the themes of Truthful Justice and Love run parallel. In a way, they are symbiotic creatures. You cannot have one without the other. Both give each other meaning. Justice without Love is a monstrous, cold creature that upholds rules and regulations to the point of injustice. Love without Justice is ignorant folly, hand-holding people down a path to hell strewn with pretty lies. Somehow in our daily walks we have to balance out both in all that we do.
two: Ba Ba Black Sheep
Mike Raiter once shared this story when asked what he would do when Christians disagree with Christians. A family wanted to sing together at a church camp. The 16 year old wanted to do jazzy Hillsongs type songs. The parents wanted good, old-fashioned hymns. The 3 year old wanted Ba Ba Black Sheep. The whole family ended up singing Ba Ba Black Sheep even though it was below their capabilities. But they picked that song because it was the one song they could sing together for now.
Should the family continue singing BaBa in every church camp? Of course not...with each year and with the family's help, the 3 year old would have advanced on to more complicated tunes, expanding the repertoire of what the whole family could sing together. The constant theme though was that They Wanted to Sing Together As Long As They Possibly Could. A church should prize unity among the body.
These have been encouraging principles for me to keep in mind. Encourage...what a word...it means to put courage into someone. We seldom stop to think of why the word encourage is written the way it is. We need to put strength and courage into each other more often. By doing so, we tell them, what you believe in about God's ways....is worth it...and it works. The Christian walk is hard enough without your fellow racers taking the wind out of your sails.
A well-placed word, a timely compliment sincerely offered can sometimes cement a ministry, build a church far more profoundly than a dozen chastisements. Sometimes it may be worth it to swallow down words of criticism for another day, another time or after one has put a lot more thought into reshaping those words in more edifiying form.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
feet of clay
have been trawling the net looking up all the blogs on the NKF thingee, am feeling conscience stricken. I woke up today wondering how TT Durai was feeling somewhere across the island - was he dreading facing another day of public fury? was he depressed? was he blase? and it got me thinking about how tragic the whole story was.
Durai was truly visionary and i have no doubt that he sincerely believes he is doing the right thing. But sincerity is not enough, it's more important to examine what you are pouring all that sincere belief into. Somewhere along the line, the original vision of NKF must have gotten lost.
At any rate, the man like anyone of us has feet of clay. His mistake happened to be big, public and extremely costly. He got found out. Let's just focus on what we can do to repair the big mistake instead of...i don't know...photoshopping his head on some animal or something. That's just kicking a man when he is down....and boy, is he down.
I guess I have had enough of reading nasty comments and malicious jibes about him. I have definitely passed my own snide little comments or had bitchy giggles about him in conversations with friends.
So cos of little Mr Conscience (aka Holy Spirit) pricking away, i must declare i cannot be yet another one in the masses throwing stones at the guy, severely tempted as I am. After all, if this happened to a friend, I would not treat him this way. Why should I feel any more justified at flaming him or making fun of him just because he is a public figure / big time "fat cat' CEO? cannot lah....my conscience is prickling.
To put it bluntly, (though i hate how cliche this has become ) what would Jesus do?
He would be a lot more firm and unyielding about the wrongness of Durai's actions but he would also be a whole lot more gracious and kind than I have been.
In my opinion, NKF should be held accountable to all the points raised. Durai should make a public apology and deliver a good explanation once and for all. But yeah....I am personally drawing the line for myself at having a good laugh or feeling all righteous at his expense.
Durai was truly visionary and i have no doubt that he sincerely believes he is doing the right thing. But sincerity is not enough, it's more important to examine what you are pouring all that sincere belief into. Somewhere along the line, the original vision of NKF must have gotten lost.
At any rate, the man like anyone of us has feet of clay. His mistake happened to be big, public and extremely costly. He got found out. Let's just focus on what we can do to repair the big mistake instead of...i don't know...photoshopping his head on some animal or something. That's just kicking a man when he is down....and boy, is he down.
I guess I have had enough of reading nasty comments and malicious jibes about him. I have definitely passed my own snide little comments or had bitchy giggles about him in conversations with friends.
So cos of little Mr Conscience (aka Holy Spirit) pricking away, i must declare i cannot be yet another one in the masses throwing stones at the guy, severely tempted as I am. After all, if this happened to a friend, I would not treat him this way. Why should I feel any more justified at flaming him or making fun of him just because he is a public figure / big time "fat cat' CEO? cannot lah....my conscience is prickling.
To put it bluntly, (though i hate how cliche this has become ) what would Jesus do?
He would be a lot more firm and unyielding about the wrongness of Durai's actions but he would also be a whole lot more gracious and kind than I have been.
In my opinion, NKF should be held accountable to all the points raised. Durai should make a public apology and deliver a good explanation once and for all. But yeah....I am personally drawing the line for myself at having a good laugh or feeling all righteous at his expense.
Revenge of the SiPH
Do not underestimate the power of 3 full pages in the almighty Straits Times for 2 consecutive days, young jedis. Fear the SiPH as they rake NKF's tattered reputation over the coals. I almost feel sorry for TT Durai.
Apparently, vandals have gone crazy, spraypainting "LIAR" all over the NKF building's gates. NKF has also been getting a rush of abusive phone calls. hiyah....that's just not nice. can understand the sentiment but well...there are better ways to get NKF to wake up its ideas. And I totally think NKF needs some major "waking up of ideas" The backlash is swelling....scarys yah.
in the spirit of fairness: here are 3 links, one positive, one negative and one balanced about the NKF debacle
From Oikono, one of the very rare posts defending the NKF
http://oikono.blogspot.com/2005/07/in-defense-of-nkf-ceos-compensation.html
Some well reasoned observations from John Lim about the debacle
http://please-take-your-pap-smear-test.blogspot.com/2005/07/nkf-my-little-commentary.html
...and a pretty funny and super-salty diatribe on NKF from superuglyfrangipani:
http://nonfriction.blogspot.com/2005/07/when-i-grow-up-i-wanna-be-ceo-of-nkf.html
this has given me some interesting food for thought in the light of my waffling over whether to turn School of Thought into a social enterprise, set up a non-profit branch of SOT, or keep it for profit and just independent non-profit projects on the side.
Wondering which way is the cleanest foundation to build upon....at the moment I am leaning towards doing independent non-profit projects or setting up a second non-profit organisation under SOT. The Social enterprise thing is very new and quite tricky to think through I think. But I think it's safe to assume I am never gonna be getting $25,000 in salary with a 12 month bonus. darn. :)
Apparently, vandals have gone crazy, spraypainting "LIAR" all over the NKF building's gates. NKF has also been getting a rush of abusive phone calls. hiyah....that's just not nice. can understand the sentiment but well...there are better ways to get NKF to wake up its ideas. And I totally think NKF needs some major "waking up of ideas" The backlash is swelling....scarys yah.
in the spirit of fairness: here are 3 links, one positive, one negative and one balanced about the NKF debacle
From Oikono, one of the very rare posts defending the NKF
http://oikono.blogspot.com/2005/07/in-defense-of-nkf-ceos-compensation.html
Some well reasoned observations from John Lim about the debacle
http://please-take-your-pap-smear-test.blogspot.com/2005/07/nkf-my-little-commentary.html
...and a pretty funny and super-salty diatribe on NKF from superuglyfrangipani:
http://nonfriction.blogspot.com/2005/07/when-i-grow-up-i-wanna-be-ceo-of-nkf.html
this has given me some interesting food for thought in the light of my waffling over whether to turn School of Thought into a social enterprise, set up a non-profit branch of SOT, or keep it for profit and just independent non-profit projects on the side.
Wondering which way is the cleanest foundation to build upon....at the moment I am leaning towards doing independent non-profit projects or setting up a second non-profit organisation under SOT. The Social enterprise thing is very new and quite tricky to think through I think. But I think it's safe to assume I am never gonna be getting $25,000 in salary with a 12 month bonus. darn. :)
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
the $600,000 question
NKF is getting majorly skewered in the local news reporting about the ongoing trial of NKF vs. SPH. Have never seen such full at verbatim reportage of court exchanges before. NKF is not coming out looking good from this at all....several times, Davinder Singh was quite cutting and straight for the jugular in his line of questions towards the NKF CEO.
But yup, the big $600,000 question is: is it right stewardship of public funds for a charity to award its CEO a $600,000 a year pay package, 12 months bonus, business class privileges and access to 2 cars? Is it right for the same charity to not make more of an effort to reveal the actual figures of its expenditure? Is it right for a charity to not correct a significant mistake in figures of actual people helped? I accept the NKF's acknowledgement that some things ought to have been done better. But the fact that all these mistakes only came to light in court is pretty damaging to their integrity.
The NKF is one of the non profit sector's biggest success story, its controversial adherence to business sector values and methodologies has been a big reason why they have come so far.
But one cannot help but wonder how far can a non-profit charity play by for-profit rules and not come out looking slightly murky. It's just like how religion and politics cannot mix - religion inevitably comes out looking dodgy. I do find it disturbing when a CEO of a charity starts talking like a corporate, focusing on corporate language like "branding", 'privacy" etc. For the same reasons why I find it disturbing when preachers on the pulpit start adopting the talk of a top sales man or self-help guru. The juxtaposition is just too....jarring.
I wonder how NKF intends to salvage its reputation after this. They need to do something fast and significant to recover from this. It will be pretty sad if they did not even attempt to explain themselves more clearly to the public who has supported them so earnestly. For their sake, I really hope they come out better from this.
But yup, the big $600,000 question is: is it right stewardship of public funds for a charity to award its CEO a $600,000 a year pay package, 12 months bonus, business class privileges and access to 2 cars? Is it right for the same charity to not make more of an effort to reveal the actual figures of its expenditure? Is it right for a charity to not correct a significant mistake in figures of actual people helped? I accept the NKF's acknowledgement that some things ought to have been done better. But the fact that all these mistakes only came to light in court is pretty damaging to their integrity.
The NKF is one of the non profit sector's biggest success story, its controversial adherence to business sector values and methodologies has been a big reason why they have come so far.
But one cannot help but wonder how far can a non-profit charity play by for-profit rules and not come out looking slightly murky. It's just like how religion and politics cannot mix - religion inevitably comes out looking dodgy. I do find it disturbing when a CEO of a charity starts talking like a corporate, focusing on corporate language like "branding", 'privacy" etc. For the same reasons why I find it disturbing when preachers on the pulpit start adopting the talk of a top sales man or self-help guru. The juxtaposition is just too....jarring.
I wonder how NKF intends to salvage its reputation after this. They need to do something fast and significant to recover from this. It will be pretty sad if they did not even attempt to explain themselves more clearly to the public who has supported them so earnestly. For their sake, I really hope they come out better from this.
40 years of The Little Red Dot
To commemorate the upcoming national day celebrations - This is a pic of WatermelonGal's patriotic platter of fruit from last year's farewell party for C+C Lawyer Factory.
I love National Day. When I was a kid, I thought We Are Singapore was the best ever national day anthem. Then again it could have been the pretty cute guy they got to sing the opening lines in the premiering video.
Was thinking it would be fun to do a National Day Celebration Party. We can dress up as our favourite Local Symbols/Stereotypes - Merlion, Singapore Idol, saarabat stall uncle, prata man, mat rocker, trishaw rider, the old multi-tasking, harmonica-blowing busker who wears clogs, Sir Stamford RAffles, Rich-ACS-Boy, SmartyPantsRJCBoy, BrashConventGirl...the list of possibilities is endless.
We can eat all our favourite local dishes - da-pow from our favourite hawker centres. Play retro music again (haha) since it is about 40 years of celebrations. and for doorgifts, everybody gets a nice pack of erasers to play eraser game.
haha. which reminds me i once drew a set of cartoons about The MIsadventures of The Little Red Dot...about a snooty know-it-all little pea-sized dot who plays bureaucrat. must try and dig them up and post them in the spirit of coming August....
I love National Day. When I was a kid, I thought We Are Singapore was the best ever national day anthem. Then again it could have been the pretty cute guy they got to sing the opening lines in the premiering video.
Was thinking it would be fun to do a National Day Celebration Party. We can dress up as our favourite Local Symbols/Stereotypes - Merlion, Singapore Idol, saarabat stall uncle, prata man, mat rocker, trishaw rider, the old multi-tasking, harmonica-blowing busker who wears clogs, Sir Stamford RAffles, Rich-ACS-Boy, SmartyPantsRJCBoy, BrashConventGirl...the list of possibilities is endless.
We can eat all our favourite local dishes - da-pow from our favourite hawker centres. Play retro music again (haha) since it is about 40 years of celebrations. and for doorgifts, everybody gets a nice pack of erasers to play eraser game.
haha. which reminds me i once drew a set of cartoons about The MIsadventures of The Little Red Dot...about a snooty know-it-all little pea-sized dot who plays bureaucrat. must try and dig them up and post them in the spirit of coming August....
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Parenthood
3 friends of mine are having babies at the same time - SpotstheBear, Tenuvil and SheofTheUnpronounceableName. MrBear took this shot of me staring at the bigness of MrsBear's bump.
I wonder what kind of mother I would be. Would I live up to my own ideals of godly parenting - ever supportive, cultivating etc? Would I find the time to slowly teach my kid not just how to love God, love others but throw in some funky art, lit and cooking lessons into the mix? Or would I just degenerate into becoming a naggy shouty, caning harridan?
For that matter, given my swinging (*koff*) single status, I wonder whether I will have the chance to find out. :)
Part of growing up into adulthood has been the recognition of how difficult and thankless a task parenthood must be. Growing out of adolescence and walking closer to Christ has helped me to understand the need to treat my parents with more grace, more love, less blame.
For a short time last year, struck by guilt that I was not putting my money where my blathering mouth was concerning Christian service to the community, I started tutoring at ChildAtStreet11. This was a month or so before I got hooked into the whole youth consultation exercise.
It was a cool little latch-key centre for children from poor, single parent families. The centre in effect was playing parent to these kids in their crucial growing up years where their real parents could not afford to because of pragmatic bread-butter issues. Most kids had a father stuck in rehab or prison and a mother who was working horrendous hours as a cleaner or checkout aunty etc. blue collar maximum hour minimum wage job.
From 10am to 1pm, I did a standard routine with my attached kids - check if they did all their school homework, order them to rewrite sloppily done corrections neatly, try hard to teach new things, make sure they bathe, scould them if they play with water in the bathroom, sit down and eat lunch with them ensuring they finished everything, talk to them about school.
It took me a while to realise I was not their tutor. I was their part-time, makeshift mother. And the mother routine was at times mundane, the kids sometimes got irritating in their slowness to grasp apparently simple concepts, the kids could also get nasty when they could not get their way.
I remember being frustrated at one kid's slowness and saying to her, "I repeated this 5 times already, are you listening or not?" The swift way in which hurt shaded her eyes and turned her away from me was really heart-breaking. It took quite a lot of apologetic explanations, bribery and coaxing to earn back her favour and trust.
It was a real tiny insight into the toughness of being a consistently fair, firm, loving parent.
But more than that, I realised that somewhere along the line, my parents did all that for me and for the life of me, I cannot recall a single bit of it. All that crucial foundational building stuff they did was just too mundane and banal to sear themselves into my little childlike brain.
Brush your teeth. Don't cheat on your tests. Don't anyhow spend money. Spell "Cat". 2 + 1 = 3. Cannot quarrel with Korkor. Say hello to Uncle, Aunty. Check if next week got test to study or not. Got problem must tell!
Somewhere they did all that. And without that, I would not find myself doing all that I do today. It's quite poignant to think of all that effort gone into my life even before I understood or appreciated it fully.
It's a reflection of our relationship with God our original parent as well.
How very 1 Cor 13 - "Now I know in part, then I shall know fully even as I am fully known".
I may not have the most perfect of parents. But I have parents who cared enough to bring me up to a good 28 years of life, and teaching me the most banal things that I take for granted. That is enough to be grateful for. The rest of what they have done for me is icing on the cake.
I wonder what kind of mother I would be. Would I live up to my own ideals of godly parenting - ever supportive, cultivating etc? Would I find the time to slowly teach my kid not just how to love God, love others but throw in some funky art, lit and cooking lessons into the mix? Or would I just degenerate into becoming a naggy shouty, caning harridan?
For that matter, given my swinging (*koff*) single status, I wonder whether I will have the chance to find out. :)
Part of growing up into adulthood has been the recognition of how difficult and thankless a task parenthood must be. Growing out of adolescence and walking closer to Christ has helped me to understand the need to treat my parents with more grace, more love, less blame.
For a short time last year, struck by guilt that I was not putting my money where my blathering mouth was concerning Christian service to the community, I started tutoring at ChildAtStreet11. This was a month or so before I got hooked into the whole youth consultation exercise.
It was a cool little latch-key centre for children from poor, single parent families. The centre in effect was playing parent to these kids in their crucial growing up years where their real parents could not afford to because of pragmatic bread-butter issues. Most kids had a father stuck in rehab or prison and a mother who was working horrendous hours as a cleaner or checkout aunty etc. blue collar maximum hour minimum wage job.
From 10am to 1pm, I did a standard routine with my attached kids - check if they did all their school homework, order them to rewrite sloppily done corrections neatly, try hard to teach new things, make sure they bathe, scould them if they play with water in the bathroom, sit down and eat lunch with them ensuring they finished everything, talk to them about school.
It took me a while to realise I was not their tutor. I was their part-time, makeshift mother. And the mother routine was at times mundane, the kids sometimes got irritating in their slowness to grasp apparently simple concepts, the kids could also get nasty when they could not get their way.
I remember being frustrated at one kid's slowness and saying to her, "I repeated this 5 times already, are you listening or not?" The swift way in which hurt shaded her eyes and turned her away from me was really heart-breaking. It took quite a lot of apologetic explanations, bribery and coaxing to earn back her favour and trust.
It was a real tiny insight into the toughness of being a consistently fair, firm, loving parent.
But more than that, I realised that somewhere along the line, my parents did all that for me and for the life of me, I cannot recall a single bit of it. All that crucial foundational building stuff they did was just too mundane and banal to sear themselves into my little childlike brain.
Brush your teeth. Don't cheat on your tests. Don't anyhow spend money. Spell "Cat". 2 + 1 = 3. Cannot quarrel with Korkor. Say hello to Uncle, Aunty. Check if next week got test to study or not. Got problem must tell!
Somewhere they did all that. And without that, I would not find myself doing all that I do today. It's quite poignant to think of all that effort gone into my life even before I understood or appreciated it fully.
It's a reflection of our relationship with God our original parent as well.
How very 1 Cor 13 - "Now I know in part, then I shall know fully even as I am fully known".
I may not have the most perfect of parents. But I have parents who cared enough to bring me up to a good 28 years of life, and teaching me the most banal things that I take for granted. That is enough to be grateful for. The rest of what they have done for me is icing on the cake.
sarong party boys
chromodomo's sarong party was hilarious. i think retro music does a lot to get a crowd of 20-30 somethings going.
i think this photo captures which gender had more fun wearing skirts.
i will not spill the beans on who was the happiest skirt-wearer but suffice to say at one point, i saw him skipping across the room with his hands daintily holding up the sides of his skirt like a proper maiden.
hee. :)
i think this photo captures which gender had more fun wearing skirts.
i will not spill the beans on who was the happiest skirt-wearer but suffice to say at one point, i saw him skipping across the room with his hands daintily holding up the sides of his skirt like a proper maiden.
hee. :)
Sunday, July 10, 2005
i like the new Dove Shampoo campaign that uses real life girls as models. It's about time someone outside of the Body Shop admitted the truth that real women come in all different shapes and sizes. All the girls looked good. Today's newspaper did a cover story of the girls and I liked how the Indonesian girl credited her parents focus on her body as a gift from God as the root behind her self-confidence.
We Christians need to take back our culture. We should not be part of the saboteurs of human dignity and human self-respect. Our lives, our bodies are gifts from Our Maker. We should be the last people to follow the world's lead and put down people about their looks, their age, their incomes, their career prospects etc. externalities.
The worldly culture might teach us to whine about turning 30 (40, 50, 60 etc), looking fat, having crappy bosses, life being boring etc. etc. I think it's about time Christians stood above the maddening crowd and demonstrated a new inspiring perspective about all these things. Culture is built on the collective way we behave, believe and the things we say. How little we help people around us when we affirm the world's ways with silly throwaway comments.
Turn 30 (40, 50, 60) with pride and pleasure that the Lord has brought you through 3 decades of life.
Respect and treat your nasty ass boss with a dignity that can only have been inspired by Heaven. Make peace with and treat honourably the body that God has given you as a temple of the Holy Spirit.
Stand up to the things that you fear instead of running away.
Make tough decisions simply because they are the right decisions to make.
Let your tongue shout out a whole new perspective to things instead of perpetuating the shallow, hedonistic, fear-mongering aspects of modern culture that we have today!
We Christians need to take back our culture. We should not be part of the saboteurs of human dignity and human self-respect. Our lives, our bodies are gifts from Our Maker. We should be the last people to follow the world's lead and put down people about their looks, their age, their incomes, their career prospects etc. externalities.
The worldly culture might teach us to whine about turning 30 (40, 50, 60 etc), looking fat, having crappy bosses, life being boring etc. etc. I think it's about time Christians stood above the maddening crowd and demonstrated a new inspiring perspective about all these things. Culture is built on the collective way we behave, believe and the things we say. How little we help people around us when we affirm the world's ways with silly throwaway comments.
Turn 30 (40, 50, 60) with pride and pleasure that the Lord has brought you through 3 decades of life.
Respect and treat your nasty ass boss with a dignity that can only have been inspired by Heaven. Make peace with and treat honourably the body that God has given you as a temple of the Holy Spirit.
Stand up to the things that you fear instead of running away.
Make tough decisions simply because they are the right decisions to make.
Let your tongue shout out a whole new perspective to things instead of perpetuating the shallow, hedonistic, fear-mongering aspects of modern culture that we have today!
Thursday, July 07, 2005
somewhere i have never travelled
came across this while trawling online. I had forgotten how much I love this poem.
I first heard it read aloud by Ron Perlman playing the Beast in a short-lived tv series called Beauty and the Beast, where a modern monstrous-looking man-beast (Perlman) falls in love with a beautiful reporter in modern day New York.
I don't entirely get the imagery sometimes but i like the mood and the tone. I think there is something in there of the intense way human beings interact with each other and the way we open each other up to new understandings and perspectives. On the surface, the poem seems obviously skewed towards the emotional intimacy you find in a romantic relationship. But I think there is more behind it.
__________________________
somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands
e.e.cummings
I first heard it read aloud by Ron Perlman playing the Beast in a short-lived tv series called Beauty and the Beast, where a modern monstrous-looking man-beast (Perlman) falls in love with a beautiful reporter in modern day New York.
I don't entirely get the imagery sometimes but i like the mood and the tone. I think there is something in there of the intense way human beings interact with each other and the way we open each other up to new understandings and perspectives. On the surface, the poem seems obviously skewed towards the emotional intimacy you find in a romantic relationship. But I think there is more behind it.
__________________________
somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands
e.e.cummings
Bad Boys
since i have been having so many wordy entries, it's time for a silly picture break. Me in Florence, playing besotted bimbo to Hugo Pratt's legendary Corto Maltese. (There was a Corto Maltese exhibition on)
Corto is pretty much everything that Pastor Chris warned us women to stay away from over the weekend - dashing, debonair, wealthy, exciting and ambitious. Plus Corto's wicked "Mr Darcy " sideburns and pirate-y earring are just dead giveaways that he is one Bad Boy. (In the comics, Corto has a trail of international girlfriends...the fiend!) I admit - the stylishness of the character blew me away. Pratt really pinned down the suave sailor archetype he was going for.
ah well.
too bad not all bad boys are 2 dimensional paper creations so that women can stay smart and stay away from them.
Actually, you know, ... bad boys are truly two dimensional flat things. They are not that complex at the day - love them, leave them, blah blah blah angst, repeat cycle. The bad boy is not called a bad boy for nothing....he never really grows up. Their cultivated air of "deepness" is really nothing much at the end of the day.
I say give me the complicated workings of the man of God any day! Now THAT is a real 3D, REALLY deep type of man. His angst at least will be well founded on the angst to do God's will rather than angst over goodness knows what.
And as the Venerable Pastor Chris reminded us so sagely, boys and girls, ....when you see a wise man or woman of God, GRAB THEM YOU IDIOT...why let a good thing slip by for a chance with the pseudo exciting Corto-s around (and Corto-seans for that matter)!
Corto is pretty much everything that Pastor Chris warned us women to stay away from over the weekend - dashing, debonair, wealthy, exciting and ambitious. Plus Corto's wicked "Mr Darcy " sideburns and pirate-y earring are just dead giveaways that he is one Bad Boy. (In the comics, Corto has a trail of international girlfriends...the fiend!) I admit - the stylishness of the character blew me away. Pratt really pinned down the suave sailor archetype he was going for.
ah well.
too bad not all bad boys are 2 dimensional paper creations so that women can stay smart and stay away from them.
Actually, you know, ... bad boys are truly two dimensional flat things. They are not that complex at the day - love them, leave them, blah blah blah angst, repeat cycle. The bad boy is not called a bad boy for nothing....he never really grows up. Their cultivated air of "deepness" is really nothing much at the end of the day.
I say give me the complicated workings of the man of God any day! Now THAT is a real 3D, REALLY deep type of man. His angst at least will be well founded on the angst to do God's will rather than angst over goodness knows what.
And as the Venerable Pastor Chris reminded us so sagely, boys and girls, ....when you see a wise man or woman of God, GRAB THEM YOU IDIOT...why let a good thing slip by for a chance with the pseudo exciting Corto-s around (and Corto-seans for that matter)!
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
July Is the Hottest Month
July is lined up with exciting stuff!
Project Timothy Bible Conference (July 15-17, 2005)
God's Sovereignty, Our Assurance
www.projecttimothy.com
SONIC FEST 28th to 30th July (Thursday to Saturday)
Fort Canning Green
with Sonic Flood and PLanetShakers performing.
$20 - $30 for a 1 day ticket
Singapore's annual cutting-edge Christian music and creative arts festival
http://www.sonicfest.net/programme.html
Two Evening Lectures: organized by Eagles
Ravi Zacharias "A Life that has Lost its Focus"
and Peter Mouw "Godliness in an Unspiritual Workplace"
July 28 & 29, 2005
7.30 - 9.30 pm
Orchard Hotel, 442 Orchard Road
http://www.eagles.com.sg/lectures.html
Project Timothy Bible Conference (July 15-17, 2005)
God's Sovereignty, Our Assurance
www.projecttimothy.com
SONIC FEST 28th to 30th July (Thursday to Saturday)
Fort Canning Green
with Sonic Flood and PLanetShakers performing.
$20 - $30 for a 1 day ticket
Singapore's annual cutting-edge Christian music and creative arts festival
http://www.sonicfest.net/programme.html
Two Evening Lectures: organized by Eagles
Ravi Zacharias "A Life that has Lost its Focus"
and Peter Mouw "Godliness in an Unspiritual Workplace"
July 28 & 29, 2005
7.30 - 9.30 pm
Orchard Hotel, 442 Orchard Road
http://www.eagles.com.sg/lectures.html
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Retro partayyyyyy
in anticipation of ChromoDomo's retro party this sat, have been trawling my sister's massive collection of MP3s for good old 80s golden oldies.
it's a blast hearing StereoMcs do "Get Connected" and "Step It Up" again. Makes me remember KLF's 3am Eternal and 2 Unlimited! Must go find my old Cathy Dennis album now. heehee.
it's a blast hearing StereoMcs do "Get Connected" and "Step It Up" again. Makes me remember KLF's 3am Eternal and 2 Unlimited! Must go find my old Cathy Dennis album now. heehee.
Monday, July 04, 2005
milestones
Walking in Christ starts you on a crazy journey of change. Major milestones in my little walk with Christ include:
- the first time I realised I was selfish and self-centred
-the first time I realised Love (in the agape sense) was difficult.
- the first time I took leadership and Christian service seriously
- the first time I understood "The Gospel is Alive"
- the first time I had someone tell me my worth in Christ
- the first time I had someone tell me thank you for sharing Christ with them
so last weekend marked a major turning point in my Christian walk.
It has been one coming for a very long time.
the first time i prayed together with my mom.
and if you know me and my mom, that is really really a big big thing.
Funny thing was that just earlier in that week when I was talking to J. about how tough it was to be a godly Chinese daughter, she challenged me to pray with my mom. My first reaction was simply horror. Horror at how good and simple and sensible J's suggestion was. Horror at knowing now that I heard it I had to do it. I told J plainly, "It's a good idea. But frankly it freaks me out. I don't want to do it." J. prayed for opportunity and for God to help me. I did not give it much serious thought after that.
But things work out in mysterious ways and somehow, in the most weirdly natural of ways, driven by events I did not prepare for, J's prayer worked.
For the full lurid story in all its full blown drama-mama, look for me, the horse's mouth.
Suffice to say, God really amazes me. When they say He transforms and changes you, they were not kidding. It sure darn well was not Me that was doing the praying and talking with my mom on Sunday. It was defintely the Holy Spirit doing His thing. No other explanation for that.
Floored man, abso-freakin-lutely floored.
- the first time I realised I was selfish and self-centred
-the first time I realised Love (in the agape sense) was difficult.
- the first time I took leadership and Christian service seriously
- the first time I understood "The Gospel is Alive"
- the first time I had someone tell me my worth in Christ
- the first time I had someone tell me thank you for sharing Christ with them
so last weekend marked a major turning point in my Christian walk.
It has been one coming for a very long time.
the first time i prayed together with my mom.
and if you know me and my mom, that is really really a big big thing.
Funny thing was that just earlier in that week when I was talking to J. about how tough it was to be a godly Chinese daughter, she challenged me to pray with my mom. My first reaction was simply horror. Horror at how good and simple and sensible J's suggestion was. Horror at knowing now that I heard it I had to do it. I told J plainly, "It's a good idea. But frankly it freaks me out. I don't want to do it." J. prayed for opportunity and for God to help me. I did not give it much serious thought after that.
But things work out in mysterious ways and somehow, in the most weirdly natural of ways, driven by events I did not prepare for, J's prayer worked.
For the full lurid story in all its full blown drama-mama, look for me, the horse's mouth.
Suffice to say, God really amazes me. When they say He transforms and changes you, they were not kidding. It sure darn well was not Me that was doing the praying and talking with my mom on Sunday. It was defintely the Holy Spirit doing His thing. No other explanation for that.
Floored man, abso-freakin-lutely floored.
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