the paradox of being encouraging

Have been fascinated by the concept of encouragement ever since I read a book on teenage education reminding us to "Encourage" not "Exasperate". Pour courage and strength into those in need. Do not take the wind from their sails, remove the breath from their bodies. Pretty profound stuff in terms of the implications on our relationships.

Been reading Larry Crabb's Encouragement (from the 30% Tecman sale!) It's an interesting book on how to build a culture of meaningful encouragement in church.

Interestingly, what stood out straight away in the book was his matter-of-fact observations in the chapter labelled "The Character of an Encourager".

Paradox 1:
"We all resist being dependable. We would rather be dependent. Yet becoming dependable is precisely what christianly ministry requires."

Paradox 2:
"The more determined I am to minister, the more painfully aware I become of my desire to have someone look after me. If I am committed to helping another, then I am never free to abandon myself to another. Yet this is what my soul cries out for."

woah. You are hitting it on the head, Crabb.

"People who take seriously the goal of ministry, and who are careful to prevent their desires for receiving ministry from becoming their goals, will inevitably encounter a profound loneliness. An awareness develops that although we may share with others, we can never fully depend on others....Even if he were to scrap the purpose of ministry and actively seek to end his loneliness through others' ministry to him, he would find no real satisfaction. The best of friends will inevitably fail us, because of self-preoccupation or imperfect understanding....The human condition in its fallen state is a lonely one, and a commitment to minsiter compounds the problem."

Ouch....very honest stuff Crabb but awfully depressing. When you gonna kick in the godly way out of this paradox?

"Here's the surprising virtue of loneliness...Godly character requires knowing God firsthand. The route to knowing God eventually passes directly through the valley of profound loneliness. It is in the times when there is no one but God that we learn to know HIm most fully. Those times...come only from emptying our lives into the lives of others.

When we depend on no one to minister to us, when we thankfully accept the little encouragement coming our way from others, then the soul will feel its deepest longing - to abandon itself to someone perfectly reliable and strong.....when the loneliness is greatest, we turn in desperate dependency to God. His love penetrates most deeply when we feel unloved."

"The character of an encourager must be strong. It must be molded and hardened in the fires of loneliness when no one but God is there. And loneliness - that surprising opportunity to know God - comes as we so throughly commit ourselves to ministering to others that we depend on God alone to minister to us. His ministry draws us into HIs very presence so that we can speak to others from holy ground. Then our words have power for good."

okay, before you think Crabb is a masochist who advocates leaders getting all maniacally depressed and stoically lonely, he does write an incisive follow-up chapter called 'When Do We Tell Somebody Else How We Feel?". Fabulous stuff in there and other chapters as well - must read for every Christian but especially those in teaching or leading positions.

..but yeah, Wow. I felt so challenged and so encouraged at the same time reading that chapter.

I want to be a better encourager. It's really good that Crabb pointed out the pitfall of "profound loneliness" to come that awaits. It allows me to prepare my heart and mind before hand to blunt the impact a little.

I have tasted a teeny slice of that kind of loneliness in my maiden foray into playing at being a real encourager. It's a little scary to know I may not even have experienced the full extent of that type of loneliness yet. Am sure many pastors and missionaries have been there and done that. It certainly is a revelation to me about how much MORE we need to pray and guard our church leaders' emotional and spiritual health.

If I feel pangs of loneliness doing my small scale ministry, what on earth must be going through our pastors' or song leaders' heads when they stare out at stony faces in the congregation?

Now I know why Pastor C has been reminding us to turn up on time for church with the mindset of encouraging each other every opportunity we can - in parking properly, in waking up on time, in genuine friendship breaks, in the way we sing, in the way we listen to sermon, in the way we talk to our neighbour after sermon.

We must do so partly to encourage each other. But in between the lines... I think just as importantly, we need to do so to encourage Pastor C himself.

woah. okay. Got the message.
Am on it, Pastor C. Thanks for the heads up, Crabb. I owe ya one.