preparing for bible study tonight about "hard hearts" plus re-reading old angsty journal entries of years gone by has been quite sobering. felt a mixture of sadness and yet thankfulness as I read through letters I wrote to God through the wilderness years of teenage to early 20s life. It was strange re-reading my struggle of going at things alone, not knowing who to turn to, feeling so absolutely freakish and full of self-loathing. Teenage angst...such a cliche but such a horrible truth!
I was so crippled, I might as well have been the paralytic lowered through the roof in the book of Mark. Thankfully, like the paralytic, God helped me walk, taught me to run and led me to freedom.
why do we let the desires of this world cling so tightly to our lives and stop us from really moving or growing? They choke and cripple the precious shoots of Christian growth struggling to emerge from our hearts.
Sometimes it is still hard to remind myself of what I am here for.... to listen to God's word, accept it and let it bear fruit in my relations, in my work and in my life. Patience, kindness, joy, temperance, love, peace, faithfulness....I want to be found with these fruits as my most treasured possessions when I die. Let these things be the things i hungered, strove the hardest for and found the most contentment in.
Cripply-doo-dah. Let me not be that way ever again.
how scary to know that old way of life is but a choice and a bad memory away.
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