bent but not broken

birdbird2
Originally uploaded by neonangel.

there are days where i feel like the bird i wrote about in april - bent, wretched and forced into a position i do not want to be in.

The bad days never last as long as they did before I was a Christian but nevertheless they do make their appearances - a brief but still impactful presence.

1 Pet 4:11 says "Whoever speaks must do so as one speaking the very words of God; whoever serves must do so with the strength that God supplies, so that God may be glorified in all things through Jesus Christ."

I find these words both inspiring and intimidating. The last thing you want to do when you are stuck in sorrow and pain is to glorify God and exhort His ways. You don't want to pray for the enemy, you want to hurt them. You don't want to be the upright, godly person all the time...it's not always fun, and it's tiring at times. Sometimes playing the whiney, discontent just looks so much more cathartic.

When tears want to come out and when your heart wants to hurt, they will do so whether you like it or not. No matter how much you prepare your heart and gird it with steel determination, you cannot stop them. Pain will have its wicked way with you.

I wish encouragement was found in every minutae of life. I wish every person around me was a fount of confidence and delight I can draw from. I wish everything was perfect.

But the jarring ugliness of family quarrels, the distances between people and the remnants of hopes dashed continue to haunt each day. Like ghosts, they remind me that I do not live in a perfect world.

Sorry, my dear Belinda Carlise, much as you and I want it to be - Heaven Is most certainly Not A Place On Earth.

In Psalms 73:26, we are reminded "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"

Bent but not broken, God picks up each of us and and urges, "Walk on. I will be the strength in you. I will be the column that holds up the broken pieces." Sometimes He is gentle about it and picks us up by the hand, sometimes He is forceful and picks you up by the scruff of your neck.

Either way, He picks you up and moves your feet stubbornly back on course. He is firm about it.

I learnt an important truth in 1 Peter 2:9 "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."

I used to find those words stirring simply because of the cadence, choice of words and imagery. Its quite another thing when you look at those words and see that God means it. It's not fancy rhetoric. That's when the words become truly scary and truly encouraging.

We are more than ordinary people. Somehow we have become a royal priesthood. And priests more than their duties of spiritual sacrifice and upright living are called to preserve the truth of God for who else would do so?

So in pain, I have a choice. I can mourn and mope and fling it in people's faces for no other reason than how good it makes me feel to just let go and be irresponsible.

Or I can remember that the world has enough of people like that, inside and outside the church. If I add to that, I am just propagating the very culture that I wish to stop.

LIke it or not, I have a truth to preserve and hold onto, no matter what my circumstance. I must not take away courage from another person, I must not take away their joy, I must not undermine their faith. I must not allow my petty grieviances, my short-term pains become the root of someone else's long-term doubt.

There is a Truth in the world and it takes the choices of ordinary men and women to preserve it. If I know better, I must not be found wanting at any moment. I do not have the luxury of ignorance.

I cannot. I must not. I will not give in to Temptation. God will see to it. I know He will.