a little fall of rain

nioi
Originally uploaded by neonangel.

Woke up feeling a little sad today.

Need prayer. Cute rabbit will have to do for now to jumpstart a grey morning before I go to find peace in God, before busy-ness muffles all this.

Old fears and old lies take a long time to go away.

Like any addiction - drugs or alcohol etc, once the devil's untruths have had their ugly way with you they stay with you for life. Charismatics call these spiritual strongholds.

Christ's truth and His perfect love do indeed drive out fears. So while your old addictions don't have the same fierce grip on your heart and mind and strength, they still remain your Achilles heel.

Something to always watch over. Something to always be vigilant over. Something you know is not insurmountable but nevertheless tiring to keep fighting.

"You again? My favourite mistake? Haven't you had enough yet. Be gone."

You just get better at saying no to indulging in your poison of choice.
Mine happens to be pretty dumb but then again, I suppose there is no such thing as a wise addiction is there.

Your hope is that in the Second Coming, when a fallen world is swept away with a divine force and fury, your battle finally stops. and you get rest.

meanwhile, i am a little tired. and i hate waking up with sticky salty eyes that drive my contacts mad.

and sometimes, i do hate being changed by God enough to understand the folly and uselessness of whining and complaining.

You no longer have the luxury of ignorance. You recognise it is a luxury that you should never have anyway. Those who know better, have to stay better, do better, have to lead and not lag.

There is no retreating to the shallow comfort of whining when there is so much real needs out there. Your whining only makes things worse and discourages those in need.

You do not bitch to God. You do not shake fists at Him. You do not weary the Lord like they did in Malachi with indulgent hypocrisy. Once you understand what He has done for you, you don't ever be an ass about it. You know you have to be like Job, not Job's wife who invited him to curse God in his pain.

You stay strong, even in the midst of your sharing of your own struggles, you constantly check your words and watch your tone - because even in your sorrow, you will worship God and help others see why we must.

i wish i was not so weak. i think my fears are stupid, indulgent and worthless. But they are real. And its humiliating to know even stupid fears can have such a talon-like grip. i hate being reminded of my weakness.

But there you go. Once I think that, the Christian paradox kicks in - if i have never been so weak i would have never embraced how strong my Saviour is. I would have never understood His might and grace.

To quote Tissue Aunty, "Know Jesus, heart not pain already. Learn to smile." Life goes on, things may still hurt, fears may still poke up uninvited, but most of the time, life in God is amazing, joyful and peaceful.

His peace is the bedrock in your heart that no pain or fear can ever hope to pierce through and take root ever again.

what's my addiction? It's senseless.
It does not matter. It will take too long to get into and will distract from the main point I am trying to find while writing this blog entry.

What's important is that it too shall pass with a fallen world. I stake my life on that.

So a hope and a prayer will always be in my heart. And it's just a matter of waiting for the Day when all things are going to made right.

Robert Frost once wrote
"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
"
I have loved those lines for a very long time.

Rest will come.
In a little while....just a little while.