am so in love!

....with this website called Community Toolbox

IT IS SO WHAT I NEED! but man information overload or what....wish i could just buy the book. now at least got some framework to gather and control my thoughts.

Anyhow for those not in the know, My Seed of A Good Idea (aka Seed of a Bad Headache) has been preoccupying my thoughts since beginning of this year. Basically, I am trying to expand my little learning centre and turn it into a proper civic centre for youths. Aim: to develop knowledge, empathy and initiative in them.

umm....but putting idea into tangible reality of numbers, quantifiable stats and stuff has been one big FREAKOUT for someone who operates on ideas, big picture sort of thing. I am SO not cut out for operations, accounts and all. Am not a planner, not Type A, not a PDA toting mover and shaker. Me just a "cher" who wants to play with rabbits, talk rubbish to students, secretly long for fixed salary with mega bonus, talk big airy fairy concepts and theories like they can happen really easily :P

but the stupid Creating Our Future initiative had to come my way. And my stupid wannabe activist side had to push me into it. And God had to give me exactly what I was asking for before I knew that was what I wanted: A definitive Vision of where I want School of Thought to be.

Sometimes when He gives you what you want, you gotta start wondering if you even knew what you were asking for. Ask for the Kingdom of God and you will find it. It will be the Best and most difficult thing you ever got.

Been trying to read up, trying to talk to people....trying to face my fears...overcome my hatred for planning/accounts etc (yes i KNOW i have been in business for more than 3 years and ought to know...and yes, i am one of those idiots who live on a hope and a prayer. So far so good. ).....scaring myself silly with thoughts of how un-cut-out-for-this-big-community-initiative kind of thing.....musing at God's sense of humour and timing.....

this is God's version of an MBA for me. I just know it. It's payback for my constant refrain that I never wanna go back to school for a further degree. By end of year, I better DIE DIE learn something massive. Cao School of Hard Knocks. bummer.

off-tangent:
I realise this has parallels to my thoughts on relationships. Being a dyed in the wool single gal, I sometimes worry that all my heroic idealistic theories about love and sacrifice etc will one day be put to the practical test when I get attached. Maybe this is God training me to go into the trenches to show me Theories can work. I bet this is His sneaky way of preparing me for more scenarios of "eh, I give you what you sought for, can you handle it?"

huh. i can't believe its only March.