can you marry anyone?

can you marry anyone?

that seems to be a question that presses on in circles of singles. . Hwees blogged on that recentlyAre we being too choosy when we answer 'No" to that question? When Christ called us to love our fellow man, does that mean technically we can love everyone?

I think the trick lies in figuring out whether one has the right concept of love in the first place. "Love" as in the "Love your God with all your heart, mind, strength...Love yout neighbour".

Yes, I agree we are called to love our fellow man to the best of our ability.
Yes, I agree that many arranged marraiges work.
But I disagree with the notion that it is being "picky" to say "I dont believe we can marry anyone as long as we try...especially if we are christians"

I would like to consider the case of friendship: From strangers to mere acquaintances to best friends - I am called to do my best to Love them as deep and true as Christ did. I try to extend the same courtesies, grace and favour I do on my best friend to strangers especially in times of need.

Yet even while I try to Love everyone, I recognise that only a precious few will become my best friends, my most beloved and trusted of buddies. Even if Christ has liberated me enough that I am comfortable being myself with practically everyone I know, it does not mean I am blessed with 200 best friends. I am blessed with a handful that almost seemed crafted for me to have that instant "click" with.

WIth some friends, there is a natural synergy that goes beyond having the same goals and values. To be trite, it's that "x-factor'. WIth some people, you find a natural resting place, a Home to find rest in, a place of easy laughter. With some people, you find the comfort of just being, without having to fill it up with conversation or activty. Like there is a rightness. a fit, a Design.

I try to love everyone as a neighbour, but some seem to be Destined to become the best neighbours I have ever known. It does not mean once I found my best neighbours I can stop loving everyone. I am called to do so regardless of the blessings of best friends that have been sent my way. Everyone must be my friend - nay, everyone must be trated as precious and designed by God,

That is what I think it will be like for marriage.

My stance as a single christian woman - every man (indeed every woman as well!) is to be treated with the Love of Christ. Patience, kindness, gentleness...Corinthians 13 kind of Love.

But you cannot marry everyone of them. It is as impossible as expecting everyone to be your best friend. You can Love everyone but you do not need to marry everyone of them. You can befriend everyone but you do not need to be everyone's best friend. God has a plan for each of us - unique individuals. There are other unique individuals He will bring into our lives to really impact, and other unique individuals He will send into other people's lives to impact.

Walking into every friendship and expecting them to be your bestt buddy in the world is just as silly and even unloving as walking past every guy and expecting them to be your husband. It is a emotional burden you place on them: what can you Give me in this relationship? It is not wrong to expect people to live up to a standard of human decency but it is wrong to expect everyone (and i suspect anyone) to be as self-sacrificing as Christ. It is a given Truth that while all of us live on this earth, we are all sinners.

More importantly, it is wrong to prioritise what people can Give you in a relationship over what you can give them.

Note it is different from walking into every friendship and treating them as if they are worthy and valuable as your best friend. That's Loving. It's not that Love is given without expectancy. To clarify:Love is freely given without expectancy of reward or it being deserving. That is Graciousness.We need to walk into every relationship in our life with the expectancy to serve and to give.

Sometimes I think we single christian women whine rather too loudly about why our single christian brothers do not turn to us and love us (aka romance and marry us). We are after all wonderful desirable godly creatures right? Men suck. Men don't know what they are missing out on. Men blind etc. etc. Or Women only care about money. Women will never go out with ugly men. Women suck.

Where is the grace?

OK...while there may be grains of truth there (harhar) I think it is unproductive and after a while, silly to keep up with that refrain. Plus I think there is some degree of maliciousness in thinking, "THE MEN/WOMEN DON'T GET IT". I admit I am guilty ot thinking that and always when I do, I realise it does ZERO to encourage or edify my christian brothers or sisters. It is a statement of no hope, no peace and no understanding. Is that treating each other with gentleness?

Why do we worry of such things? Our hope has always been in Christ and the Kingdom of God. a new heavens and a new earth. We all, single and married have new life within.

Life does not start at birth, nor does it start with your first kiss, nor the moment you become one flesh with your beloved. Life starts the moment you realised God was your Father, Maker, Saviour and Lord.

Ask, Seek, Open your eyes, Unstop your ears, Soften your heart.....and be amazed at how fast God will fill you with enigmatic peace and joy within.

We have a whole world of people to Love. Among them, perhaps there will be one that we will be blessed with to marry or perhaps we may walk this world alone For a Little While. It does not matter.

All that does is for us to watch, hope and pray and always, always Feed His Sheep.....be they Clueless Bachelors or SIlly Spinsters or Smug Marrieds.